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Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

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“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

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Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

8, September 2019

Gov to introduce Yellow ‘Blue’ Badge for lazy gits

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With the new Yellow Badge scheme, fit lazy gits won't have to walk more than 10 yards to the gym

With the new Yellow Badge scheme, fit lazy gits won’t have to walk more than 10 yards to the gym

The government‘s overhaul of the Blue Badge system is to include a Yellow Badge for people who can’t be arsed to walk 10 yards from their car to the gym.

The Yellow Badge is particularly aimed at young men in sports cars who are forced to park in a Disabled Bay because those are the ones nearest the gym’s entrance.

The Local Government Association which represents councils said: “The increase in Blue Badges being issued means we need more parking bays. The easiest way to do that is to free-up existing spaces which are currently being used by boy racers.

“The Yellow Badge scheme will provide allocated parking for lazy drivers leaving the Disabled Bays free for genuine Blue Badge holders.

“Of course, the Yellow Bays will have to be closest to the facilities otherwise they won’t use them. So Blue Badge holders will have to walk a little further but we think that’s an acceptable trade-off for getting a parking space.”

Local councils already report being swamped with Yellow Badge applications. To be eligible you simply need a letter from your doctor confirming that you’re fit and healthy, and you need to sign a statement confirming that you’re a lazy git.

The spokesperson added: “Councils are charging £500 for a Yellow Badge which will allow them to run it at a profit so you will start to see more Yellow Bays than Blue ones.

“£500 is a small price to pay to save a 10 yard walk, don’t you think?”

Ref: BBC News Blue badge permits: Shake-up ‘will increase parking demand’

How close have you managed to get your car to the gym without actually driving through the front door?
Can you think of a more appropriate colour than yellow?
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