fbpx

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Google chief: I know what you did last summer. All of you

You are awesome for sharing

Your camera was where...?

Your camera was where…?

Google devices chief, who is not a robot, confessed he likes surprising strangers with personal information about themselves.

Rick Osterloh, who has more gadgets than MenKind, said he loves the surprised look on people’s faces when he reveals intimate personal details that no one but a technology oligarch with access to millions of dollars’ worth of hi tech computer and surveillance equipment could possibly know.

“It’s like being in one of those movies where a computer hacker can find anyone, control traffic lights and order free pizza. But I’m living the dream.

“The key is facial recognition,” he explained. “There’s been lots of controversy about this but we just develop the tech, we don’t make the rules.

“A lot of black and Asian people were upset because the technology didn’t work well with their skin colour. We’ve fixed that now as we are a totally inclusive company. You can’t escape facial recognition by blacking up,” he joked.

“I have a portable system build into my glasses and when I look at someone the system tells me who they are and how many times they’ve been arrested. You can’t be too careful.

“If someone comes to my home, the system there retrieve their personal information including photographs and their bank details. After all, I need to know if they’re worth doing business with, and the photographs often provide additional leverage.”

When asked about personal privacy, Mr Osterloh said: “It’s something we take very seriously at Google. I’d get rid of the photographs you took on the 19th and we could arrange a small loan to cover your overdraft.”

Google’s latest Nest Hub III will be on sale online to strangers everywhere soon.

Ref: BBC News Google chief: I’d disclose smart speakers before guests enter my home


What’s your favourite blackmail method?
In your experience, what’s the difference between a banker and a loan shark?
Leave a Comment below

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: