Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

22, September 2019

Gold toilet theft: Police have nothing to go on

You are awesome for sharing

This is NOT a gold toilet so don't treat it as one - especially when I'm playing it

This is NOT a gold toilet so don’t treat it as one – especially when I’m playing it

The theft of a solid gold toilet left police baffled. A spokesman said they are moving heaven and earth to get to the bottom of it.

He said they are busy questioning stool pigeons and hope to flush out the culprits soon.

They took a long time examining the crime scene and apologised for the inconvenience.

The police say they are looking for thieves with a gold fetish, a severe case of diarrhea, and who may have previously owned a tuba.

They arrested one suspect but had to release him when his bank confirmed he was making a deposit at the time. Police found his alibi did hold water.

The urgency of the case moved the investigation up the chain of command. An inspector said a crack team was on the job and were on a roll.

Two policemen were suspended, however, after arguing over whose turn it was for the brownies. One repeatedly told his partner it was “cistern”.

Critics panned the investigation but the inspector said: “Suggestions that the investigation is bogged down are loo-dicrous and out of order. It’s very much business as usual.”

He added: “Our men have put a lot into it and have passed on information.”

The case has caused much hilarity in comedy circles and you can expect a run of ‘gold throne‘ jokes from many commodians.

Michael McIntyre is probably not one.

Ref: BBC News Blenheim Palace gold toilet theft: Second man arrested


Where’s the most embarrassing place you’ve relieved yourself?
Name two uses for a tuba
Leave a Comment below

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: