The theft of a solid gold toilet left police baffled. A spokesman said they are moving heaven and earth to get to the bottom of it.
He said they are busy questioning stool pigeons and hope to flush out the culprits soon.
They took a long time examining the crime scene and apologised for the inconvenience.
The police say they are looking for thieves with a gold fetish, a severe case of diarrhea, and who may have previously owned a tuba.
They arrested one suspect but had to release him when his bank confirmed he was making a deposit at the time. Police found his alibi did hold water.
The urgency of the case moved the investigation up the chain of command. An inspector said a crack team was on the job and were on a roll.
Two policemen were suspended, however, after arguing over whose turn it was for the brownies. One repeatedly told his partner it was “cistern”.
Critics panned the investigation but the inspector said: “Suggestions that the investigation is bogged down are loo-dicrous and out of order. It’s very much business as usual.”
He added: “Our men have put a lot into it and have passed on information.”
The case has caused much hilarity in comedy circles and you can expect a run of ‘gold throne‘ jokes from many commodians.
Michael McIntyre is probably not one.
Ref: BBC News Blenheim Palace gold toilet theft: Second man arrested
Where’s the most embarrassing place you’ve relieved yourself?
Name two uses for a tuba
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