fbpx

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Foodie’s dream – Food that makes you want to eat more

You are awesome for sharing

If your food's made in a place like this it'll be tasty, cheap, last for ages and make you able to eat more

If your food’s made in a place like this it’ll be tasty, cheap, last for ages and make you able to eat more

In a world where excess is praised and the obese regarded as super sexy – eat your heart out Sarah Jessica Parker, although she was never really sexy anyway – researchers and nutritionists have finally produced food that makes you want to eat more.

The secret is called ultra-processing. It involves running the food through dozens of processing processes as it were, and adding many chemicals.

The food has the beneficial side-effect of lasting longer than fresh food so if you’re simply stuffed and can’t squeeze in another morsel, ultra-processed food will keep for weeks or months.

Why bother with fresh and wholesome food when ultra-processed food lasts longer, is just as tasty and costs less?

The large body beautiful can be yours with little effort, no additional cost and no painful exercise or diet. It’s win-win-win all round.

If you’re wondering how to recognise ultra-processed food, here are three easy methods:

1. The food has been through a steel works, a plastics processing factory or ICI is a shareholder in the production company.

2. It contains ingredients you’ve never heard of and can’t pronounce. Some of them may start with a letter such as E and have numbers after them.

3. Give some to your Granny. If she says: “What the fuck’s this, like?” she’s from the North but knows her onions because the food is neither onions nor anything she recognises as food.

In all cases, this is ultra-processed food and something you want to shove down your gob before your Granny phones 999 because she thinks you’ve taken poison.

Or before the food police ban it.

If you find you typically eat as much as you can but would still really like to eat more, switch to an ultra-processed food diet. You’ll then be able to stuff in another 4000-5000 calories before feeling full.

Isn’t food technology wonderful?

Stuff the planet. Stuff yourself instead.

Ref: BBC News Ultra-processed foods ‘make you eat more’


Who’s the sexiest fat person?
It’s only fair that fat people pay more for their clothes as they use more material. Discuss.
Leave a Comment below.

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: