“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

6, March 2019

Facebook crackdown on false Reactions. New rules to force users to prove their Reactions genuine

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You Like it! Really? Prove it

You Like it! Really? Prove it

In a crackdown against fake news, fake buns and false everything else, Facebook is introducing compulsory ‘Reaction proof’. Before a user can select Like, Heart or one of the other Reaction emoticons, they will have to prove their intent is genuine.

A Facebook spokesperson explained: “Facebook has been accused of promoting false messages and fake stories and we don’t want to be accused of allowing our users to post fake Reactions.

“Too many people are clicking Like or Heart or selecting one of the Reaction emoticons but don’t really mean it. They want to ingratiate themselves with the poster so they stay ‘friends’.

“From next month, all users will have to prove their Reactions are genuine by uploading a photo of themselves displaying the Reaction.

“There will be a Help page available but, for example, a Like might be portrayed by a big smile and thumbs up, the Heart by a genuine display of positive emotion, and so on.

“Special AI software we’ve developed will analyse the photo and decide if it’s genuine or not. If it’s not genuine, the user will not be allowed to post a Reaction for 24 hours. A second offence will result in a Reaction ban for a week, a third for a month, and any additional infringements will ban the user for life from posting fake Reactions. That should ensure a more genuine user experience.

“It’s Facebook’s contribution to cleaning up this wave of false and disingenuous information and emotional reactions which is flooding the internet.”

A second conversation with a Facebook insider, who did not want to be named, revealed that the Facebook software team had to build in a special AI bypass for the company’s chairman and CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, as he had been totally unable to provide proof of any genuine emotion.

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