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23, April 2019

Extinction Rebellion to be housed in French refugee camp. “French are so good with protesters,” says Home Office

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No more comfy hotels. This lot are off to experience the worst of French hospitality. After being arrested...

No more comfy hotels. This lot are off to experience the worst of French hospitality. After being arrested…

With Extinction Rebellion arrests running into thousands, the UK is experiencing a “custodial accommodation” shortage.

EU Human Rights law rules out options where they might otherwise be detained such as hostels for the homeless, temporary social housing and half-way houses.

Therefore, detainees are now being held in hotels and B&Bs. A Home Office spokesperson said: “We are fully compliant with EU law but this is expensive for the taxpayer and gives new meaning to the phrase ‘prison is like a hotel’.”

A police spokesman said: “When we incarcerate someone in a hotel it requires extra manpower to keep an eye on them. We need to make sure they don’t have too many hot baths, take too much from the room mini bar or watch the pay-for porn channel.

“Some of our officers don’t have such a good life and it’s causing ructions. One of our lads clocked off, went home, got changed and joined them so he could get a night in a hotel. We can’t afford such luxuries on a policeman’s salary.”

In response to police demands, the government has negotiated a deal with the French authorities to house Extinction Rebellion over-fill in the old Calais refugee camp.

The Home Office spokesperson said: “The French have had a lot of experience with this sort of thing. Vive la revolution and all that. Well, you know what I mean.

“Frankly, they’re happy to put the old camp to some use. They like their Gendarmes and they’ve had lots of practice with the Yellow Jackets.

“This is a win-win scenario for everyone. And the Rebellion lot get to see a bit of the world, too!

“And, between you and me, the French aren’t averse to using their ‘bâton’, what! Keep the buggers in line. Our lads would be whipped off the force in no time at all, prosecuted, fined and goodness-knows-what.

“We’ll be shipping them off in the next few days on ferries and through the Chunnel. The sooner we get rid of the blighters the better.

“The government is doing all it can to raise awareness of climate change and we’re taking all necessary steps to prevent it. We don’t need these rabble rousers telling us how to do our job.”

Members of Extinction Rebellion who have not yet been arrested are planning protests at ferry terminals and the Eurotunnel.


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