In a hidden penthouse office high above the streets of Brussels, three covert EU agents sit and plot against the UK.
They drink unhealthy fizzy drinks, eat Belgian chocolate, and wish they were based in the UK near a Greggs.
The Euro3, as they have been dubbed by MI6, answer only to the EU President, the EU Council President, the President of the European Central Bank, and any other Eurocrat with President in their job title.
There is much anti-EU sentiment throughout Europe, as well as cheese, sausages and a wide assortment of breads.
The European Council’s worst fear is that other countries will want to leave the EU, too, leaving them up the Zenne with no job, no expense account or free travel. So they intend to make an example of the UK to deter any future dissent.
The Euro3 choose stealth as their weapon.
They began three years ago by devaluing the Pound using clever currency manipulation techniques with the aid of the Russian hackers who helped Trump become President.
In 2016, the Pound bought 1.31 Euros. Now it only buys 1.11 Euros which is not even a cheese pasty in most branches of Greggs. Assuming there were Greggs in Europe. Which there are not.
Foreign exchange experts say the fall in the Pound is due to uncertainty over Brexit, as the Euro3 expected. However, the UK has a strong economy as typified by our baking industry and this does not account for the fall.
While politicians concentrate on the Irish border and fiddling expenses, the Euro3’s actions are attributed to ‘market forces’.
When the UK does leave, it will cost far more to buy EU goods than it did before and UK goods will effectively be ‘on sale’ in Europe.
An MI6 spokesman called Arthur (not his real name) tapped his nose and said: “Don’t worry, we have post-Brexit plans.”
Which immediately filled us with confidence.
Ref: BBC News Pound heads for two-year low as holidays begin
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