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18, September 2019

England to hold referendum on leaving Scotland

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English school-children rejoice as porridge is finally taken off the menu

English school-children rejoice as porridge is finally taken off the menu

The UK Tory government is planning a snap referendum to ask England if it wants to split from Scotland.

If successful, it would give England complete autonomy so it would no longer be subject to the complaints of Nicola Queen of Scots.

It would also remove the Scottish MPs from parliament giving the current Tory government, at last, a majority. It could then get on with the ‘business of the day’ without worrying about bothersome opposition and rebel MPs.

Current UK PM Boris Johnson said: “It’s an ideal solution. Scotland gets the independence it voted against last time, but who’s bothered about democracy, eh?

“And as England would be leaving Scotland, we’d be able to negotiate a far better deal, just as we’re doing with Brexit.”

He was asked if this was not just another ploy to remove Scottish MPs from parliament and regain a Tory majority so he could get his no-deal Brexit through parliament.

Mr Johnson replied: “Certainly not. It’s something the Scots keep whinging on about so let’s give it to them. Let’s see how well their porridge exports do then.

“And they can stay in the bloody EU if they want but they’ll certainly get a hard border from us. Porridge, eh?”

When asked if Wales would get to vote, Mr Johnson said: “Well, Wales isn’t actually attached to Scotland so probably not.

“But we’ll throw them a few farming subsidies afterwards and that’ll keep them happy.”

Which country would you most like to leave?
Fried Mars bars or porridge – which is worse?
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