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24, June 2019

Dyslexic religious group petitions Santa to stop doing bad things

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"I don't care how religious you are, son. Stop blaming me for everything: I know where you live."

“I don’t care how religious you are, son. Stop blaming me for everything: I know where you live.”

A religious group wrote a petition to the devil demanding he stop bad things happening on Earth. However, they addressed it to:

C/o Hell

The 21,276-strong group known as Let’s Get Back To That Old Time Religion, signed the petition demanding the devil stop interfering with “god’s good work”.

The petition gives examples of good works as quick-drying paint, fish, air travel and Donald Trump.

Examples of bad things the devil perpetrates on Earth include blocked drains, poor WiFi reception, train timetables and saturated fats.

The Post Office delivered the petition to a village called Hell in Norway. The post master there wrote back:

“I am not responsible for the ‘bad things’ you accuse me of. Your own selfishness and stupidity far outweigh anything I could do.

“However, to show there’s no hard feelings I can put you in touch with a good plumber, an average ISP, a so-so taxi service, and a dietician.

If you are unhappy with your lot, I suggest you petition your god, not me.

Remember, I know who’s been naughty and nice and I know where every one of you lives.


The group was overjoyed to get a reply but not so happy with the contents.

The group leader, the Reverend Dermot Montecast, said: “This proves that the devil is a living entity in our society today. We must continue to do all we can to root out evil wherever we find it and cut down on saturated fats.

“We are now acting upon the advice in the reply and writing a letter to Dog.”

Ref: BBC News Good Omens: Christian group petition Netflix over Amazon show

What do you want from Satan this year?
What’s the best advice you ever received that you ignored?
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