DUP demands more concessions for supporting Tory votes including banning gay rights, repealing abortion laws and an official climate change denial policy. A No. 10 spokesman said: “It’s cheaper than another £1bn.”
The DUP is a weird little Northern Ireland party that no one had heard of until UK PM, Theresa May, paid them £1bn in real money to buy their votes.
DUP policies are slightly to the right of Atilla the Hun. Now they want more concessions to prop up the Tory’s failing Brexit deal.
The £1bn they got in 2017 while the nation was suffering from the Tory’s austerity measures has been washed away in a sea of champagne, yachts, wild parties, offshore accounts and sticky buns.
The party, famous for appointing a climate-change denier as its environment minister, has hit Theresa May with another set of demands in return for their votes.
Top of the list is a ban on same-sex marriage and removal of all “gay rights” throughout the UK. “It’s not doing anyone any good and it’s not in the bible,” said a DUP spokesperson. “Besides, you wouldn’t want your sister to marry one, would you? Er, or your brother? Or whoever?”
Second on the list is to ban abortions. “It’s not that we don’t want to give women the right to choose but they must choose the right way,” said the spokesperson. “Anyway, it’s not allowed in the bible so that’s that.”
One the subject of climate change, the spokesperson said: “Apart from droughts, locusts and the like, there’s not much in the bible about it so it can’t be real, can it? The UK is already doing bugger all to support it, but we’d just like to make it official.”
A Number 10 spokesperson said: “You can’t put a value on doing the right thing – or voting the right way. But at least they’re not asking for another £1bn!”