US President, Donald Trump, has announced that he will take part in no more face-to-face meetings or negotiations with any world leader or anyone else at home or abroad, and will in future conduct all such conversations via Twitter.
“This will ensure,” he said. “That there are no fake news reports about our meetings or how many thousands of people attended. It will also make the meetings very to the point. And short. Who wants to talk about stuff all day?
“140 characters may seem very small but you can say very big things in there. I know all about saying big things in small words. Nobody knows more about that than me. Nobody respects the big meanings you can say in small words more than me.
“I’ve said more big things with small word than anyone. I’m a master of big things said in small words. If anyone wants to know how to say a big thing in small words they ask me because nobody has bigger small words than me.
“In the big world field of small words I can out-match in a very big way anyone, so I will do meetings and negotiations with Twitter.
The current White House Press Secretary was heard to murmur: “Oh God!”