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Donald Trump commissioned study to prove men with small hands have big penises

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Donald Trump shows off his small hands. Fortunately, that's all he showed off

Donald Trump shows off his small hands. Fortunately, that’s all he showed off

A study commissioned by Donald Trump to prove men with small hands have big penises has been running for over two years without reaching a publishable conclusion.

One of the analysts involved in the study, who declined to be named, said: “The fact is, hand size has no relation to penis size and small hands do definitely not mean you have a large penis. But neither does that mean you have a small one.

“The situation is scientifically unprovable but our job for Mr Trump is to find a statistically-relevant sample size of men with varying hand sizes among whom those with small hands also have big penises. It’s not easy because the basic premise is false and science just doesn’t work that way.

“If anyone, and I’m mentioning no names here such as Stormy Daniels, has said that Donald Trump has a small penis then that is totally unrelated to the size of his hands.”

The analyst approached us later and said he finally had the proof he needed. “I’ve been fired for talking to you,” he said. “That’s proof enough for me. Trump has small hands and he’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen!”

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