“Dinosaurs became extinct because they nuked each other!” claims evolutionary scientist. “And we’re next!”
“It’s the thumbs, you see,” said Dr Richard Gould, lead researcher into Opposable Thumb Evolution. “Not many species have opposable thumbs, mainly humans and primates. But dinosaurs like the Tyrannosaurus Rex had them. 65 million years ago they used their opposable thumbs to develop weapons of mass destruction and wiped each other out. History is already repeating itself and we’ll be next.”
When asked if he had any proof of his theory he replied: “It all went up in flashes of nuclear fission. There’s not much left after a nuclear bomb goes off, you know. They probably left plans lying around but after 65 million years they’re probably decomposed by now.”
Didn’t dinosaurs have really small brains?
“It’s not the size of the brain that counts, it’s what’s in it. Many people today have small reptilian brains but are still considered capable of running a business or a country.
“Dinosaurs had small brains but they were filled with guile and cunning, certainly enough to develop nuclear weapons. We’re just like the dinosaurs using our small brains to produce weapons and kill each other.”
Why haven’t other animals with opposable thumbs such as apes and chimpanzees developed nuclear weapons?
“Haven’t you seen Planet of the Apes? History is there for us to see. We must beware of any creature with opposable thumbs. Beware! Beware!”