fbpx

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

22, April 2019

Diane Abbott apologises for drinking M&S Mojito. “I should have made my own”

You are awesome for sharing

"I'm really sorry for drinking an M&S Mojito. It was definitely not up to my usual standard and I feel I've let all my Mojito friends down."

“I’m really sorry for drinking an M&S Mojito. It was definitely not up to my usual standard and I feel I’ve let all my Mojito friends down.”

Diane Abbott, Shadow Home Secretary, has apologised for drinking a can of M&S Mojito on a train.

“I didn’t have time to do a proper shop,” she explained. “Otherwise I would have made my own. The M&S can was refreshing but hardly Tom Cruise standard,” she laughed, referencing the movie, Cocktail starring Tom Cruise.

“I prefer Bacardi Silver Rum although I do occasionally use Appleton White Rum if I want it to have a Jamaican rather than a Puerto Rican touch.

“Of course you have to use fresh mint, that’s the whole point. And fresh lime. It needs to be juicy. Some people use old limes that are dried out – I never go to their parties. You need zesty lime juice and have to mix in just the right amount of sugar to produce that Mojito tang.

“Some people use ordinary sugar but it’s much better with castor sugar. I probably don’t put in as much as some because I like my Mojitos to have a little bite,

“I adjust the soda depending on whether I’m in a sipping mood or drinking mood.

“And the ice is essential, too. You don’t get that in a can.

The M&S Mojito just doesn’t cut it but I was in a hurry. I’m truly sorry.

“I guess I’ve just blown my M&S sponsorship deal.”


Should Diane Abbott have been prosecuted for a) breaking Railway rules or b) drinking an M&S mojito? Leave a Comment below.

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: