After an extensive 16-year consultation with all sorts of people from everywhere with all kinds of opinions about everything, the Department for Transport has reached a conclusion.
Young people are most likely to be involved in a car accident so you now have to be 30 in order to hold a driving license.
Although old people are statistically involved in fewer accidents, most younger drivers think they are a nuisance on the road so you will have to hand back your license when you reach 65.
Everyone has a crisis when they reach a birthday ending in 0 so no one will be allowed to drive at any time during the year of their 30th 40th, 50th or 60th birthdays.
In conjunction with the previous rule this means you will not be able to drive until you are 31.
The exception to this will be those born on February 28th but as they will not be old enough to drive until they are too old to drive the exception only applies as a technicality.
Because of the number of police cars involved in high speed accidents, each police car will now be fitted with a speed limiter capping its top speed at 50MPH.
Parents with babies and toddlers in the back seat must now have their car fitted with an opaque, sound-proof screen between the front and rear seats to avoid distractions while driving.
All school runs will be banned.
In order to save energy, all cars must carry a minimum of two passengers at all times.
The exception is two-seater cars. In the pursuit of fairness, they must carry three people. All passengers must be seated and wear a seat belt at all times.
All vehicles will be banned from all roads during hours of darkness. This will save their batteries and it will save councils millions of pounds as they won’t have to light roads.
The Department for Transport believes these measures will make our roads safer, reduce driving costs and quadruple the number of car-related fines they can impose to boost flagging governmental coffers.
Ref: BBC News Drivers over 70 could face compulsory eyesight tests
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