Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

21, April 2019

Death duty to kick in at 67. “We can’t wait till you’re dead for your money,” says Gov

You are awesome for sharing

"C'mon Pops. Give me the house, pay the tax, go sit in the corner and drool. You know it's the right thing to do."

“C’mon Pops. Give me the house, pay the tax, go sit in the corner and drool. You know it’s the right thing to do.”

Due to the rise in life expectancy, the burgeoning cost of looking after the aged and reckless government spending, new laws will see ‘death duty’ applied when you reach 67.

It will no longer be called Inheritance Tax (IHT) but DDT (Double Death Tax) and it will come into effect next year to minimise the ability of most people to seek financial advice to try to avoid it.

A ministry spokesperson explained the new system: “The current IHT levels are far too generous and, with a little planning, most people can avoid it altogether. That’s simply not fair on the rest of the country, especially the living, so we are introducing DDT to even-out the situation.

“There will be no change to the current IHT allowances, but DDT means you will have to pay the tax before you die.

“But let’s face it, by the time you’re 67 there’s not much left to live for anyway, is there? You’ll be playing dominoes, knitting or slobbering away in a corner with dementia. And you will already have become a drain on the NHS.

“You will probably have to sell your house and downsize which has the added benefit of freeing-up housing as well as putting money in the government coffers. Have you any idea how much it costs to run a country these days? Especially inefficiently?

“Unmarried couples will be hardest hit and we envisage a flurry of marriages which is good for the economy, followed by a flurry of divorces which is good for the economy.

“The additional revenue DDT will raise will go towards the care of the elderly. And, er, other government projects.

“if you are already aged 67 or over, DDT will kick in immediately, but the chances are you’re already in a care home sponging being looked after by the state so it will have no effect.

“If you are still in your own home then it may be time to think about downsizing and letting the younger generation have a chance.

“The entire process has been carefully designed to benefit the community as a whole. Er, well apart from those over 67, that is.”

Is inheritance tax a fair and just tax? Should old people be forced to pass on their goods and chattels? How old is old? Leave a Comment below.

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: