In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Category Archives for "USA"

Smart Apps force you to obey your smart phone. Read at your own risk

It'll never happen

A technology company has developed smart phone apps that force users to obey ‘hidden’ commands. Games and apps already make users check for updates and buy in-app ‘skills’ but HypnoTec has taken the principle a stage further. The FeelGood app produces a feeling of euphoria. Scientists say it’s not dissimilar to the effect of marijuana […]

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Mountain Air scam: Bottled ‘Mountain Air’ not bottled in mountains

Does your bottled air come from the mountains or Dagenham? Can you really, really tell?

A company has been accused of making millions of pounds from gullible consumers by selling bottled ‘mountain air’ that is no better than the air they can get for free. An investigation has revealed that the Mountain Air Company has been scamming customers by selling air that was not bottled in the mountains. In a […]

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Available NOW -Young Scientist Plastic Waste Experiment Kit

With the Young Scientist Plastic Waste Experiment Kit, discover how much plastic it takes to kill your fish

Yes, kids, now you can have your very own Plastic Waste Experiment Kit. Do with your plastic exactly what the grownups do. Promises years of fun. Scientifically educational. The kit comes complete with: 24 miniature plastic bottles Packaging from 12 packets of spaghetti and other pasta (not supplied) Packaging from 6 individually-wrapped vegetables (not supplied) […]

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Female dialogue in all-male prison movies less than 50%

Software that analyses the proportion of male-to-female dialogue in movies has revealed that movies with more male characters contain proportionally more male dialogue. This revelation has sent shockwaves through Hollywood and the TV industry. Both male and females scriptwriters have vowed to include more female characters in their scripts and to give them more dialogue […]

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24, May 2019

US file 117 new charges against Assange, cats and free speech

US anti-justice department has levelled several additional allegations against WikiLeaks co-founder Julian Assange. We can’t list all the charges but they include: Being Julian Assange Telling people what the US is really wasting spending their money on Sucking up to the bastard Ecuadorians Keeping a cat Revealing the skulduggery the US is really up to […]

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Police facial recognition system full of duplicate images it can’t recognise

Good job she's not black, male, unarmed and living in America or she'd be dead by now

A roll-out of facial recognition systems by police around the UK has lead to a fracas in the force. The system is run by German company Cognitec which is filching millions of pounds from the British taxpayer. Plus ça change. The company gets paid in British pounds for the number images on the system and […]

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Foodie’s dream – Food that makes you want to eat more

If your food's made in a place like this it'll be tasty, cheap, last for ages and make you able to eat more

In a world where excess is praised and the obese regarded as super sexy – eat your heart out Sarah Jessica Parker, although she was never really sexy anyway – researchers and nutritionists have finally produced food that makes you want to eat more. The secret is called ultra-processing. It involves running the food through […]

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