Category Archives for "USA"
The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines
Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown
Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail
Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”
Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome
To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!
“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”
Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”
Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!
Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier
Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair
Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”
Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride
Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested
During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion
James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat
US file 117 new charges against Assange, cats and free speech
US anti-justice department has levelled several additional allegations against WikiLeaks co-founder Julian Assange. We can’t list all the charges but they include: Being Julian Assange Telling people what the US is really wasting spending their money on Sucking up to the bastard Ecuadorians Keeping a cat Revealing the skulduggery the US is really up to […]
Tell me more...!Police facial recognition system full of duplicate images it can’t recognise
A roll-out of facial recognition systems by police around the UK has lead to a fracas in the force. The system is run by German company Cognitec which is filching millions of pounds from the British taxpayer. Plus ça change. The company gets paid in British pounds for the number images on the system and […]
Tell me more...!Foodie’s dream – Food that makes you want to eat more
In a world where excess is praised and the obese regarded as super sexy – eat your heart out Sarah Jessica Parker, although she was never really sexy anyway – researchers and nutritionists have finally produced food that makes you want to eat more. The secret is called ultra-processing. It involves running the food through […]
Tell me more...!WHO: the best cure for dementia is to die young
After 72 years of extensive research, the World Health Organisation has come up with a list of recommendations to stop you getting dementia. Dementia is a debilitating and eventually fatal illness with no cure. It typically affects the elderly, so as the years go by there will be fewer and fewer Brexit supporters and more […]
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14, May 2019
- in Business , Science & Technology , USA , World by Ed Mann
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- 2 comments
“Pedo” is a “Pedalo” says Musk in Thai cave rescue case
Elon Musk is the multi-billionaire owner of too many big businesses and expensive things to name, mainly because we can’t be arsed to do the research. Anyway, he’s been told by a Los Angeles judge that he must defend his Tweets, since deleted, calling a cave rescuer a “pedo”. Vern Unsworth helped rescue 12 schoolboys […]
Tell me more...!Dogs unhappy about humans dying out and leaving the planet in such a f*cking mess
As dog IQ increases and human IQ decreases, dogs are still set to take over the world by 2050. However, by that time humans will have so fucked-up the planet that there won’t be much left for the dogs to take over. Zak is a 4-year old Border Collie, currently reckoned to be the smartest […]
Tell me more...!Climate change, bio extinction. – it’s too late. We’re f*cked. Don’t have any more babies warns UN
The inevitable catastrophe of climate change has been compounded by a UN report revealing that humans are killing over one million animal and plant species. That’s over a quarter of life on the planet, excluding humans, of course, and the inhabitants of America. The world population has doubled since 1970, due to low-quality condoms, child […]
Tell me more...!Formula for start-up success revealed as gobshite front man
Researchers have finally revealed what it takes for a start-up company to secure funding. The Financial University of Credit and Knowledge has been teaching the secret to undergraduates for over 20 years. Their graduates include past leaders of dozens of high-valued start-ups which have crashed spectacularly. To arrive at its formula, the University analysed over […]
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