Category Archives for "USA"
“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”
Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome
Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail
To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!
Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”
Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown
Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair
Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”
James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat
The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines
Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!
Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”
Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!
During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion
Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier
Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested
26, March 2019
- in Art & Entertainment , UK , USA by Ed Mann
Celebrities queue up to apologise for anything they may have said that may have caused offence to anyone anywhere at any time ever
Celebrities, TV personalities, soap performers, other non-entities and many politicians – apart from Donald Trump, Theresa May, and Jeremy Corbyn – are falling over themselves to make public apologies. Following outcries and shaming by the “We will be outraged for you” vociferous minority group, celebrities and others in the public eye are in fear for […]
Tell me more...!Cash for Senate seats. “I will make your child a Senator for money,” claims life coach. “How do you think Trump got the job?”
An ex-life coach has been offering wealthy families a seat in the Senate for their children in return for money. His closing argument was “How do you think Donald Trump got the job?” which sealed the deal for most people. In a far-reaching FBI investigation, evidence is beginning to emerge that a vast number of […]
Tell me more...!Tech shock of the century. Facebook grants anonymity to all
Bowing to unprecedented pressure from users, the media and the government, Facebook has agreed to grant total anonymity and privacy to all users. Just as the change came into force, there were dozens of reports of users being visited by Facebook personnel. One user, Herbert Rawlings, 47, from Blackburn, Lancashire reported that a Facebook representative […]
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23, March 2019
- in Art & Entertainment , UK , USA , World by Ed Mann
Entertainment industry sales fall dramatically as customers fear buying material by future sex offenders. “That’s nothing compared to what the church is still doing,” says entertainment rep
The entertainment industry has seen a dramatic drop in sales as customers are increasingly afraid to buy products connected to stars, producers and musicians who may later be outed as sex offenders. One fan, who declined to be named, said: “You just never know who’s going to be next. I’ve had to discretely dispose of […]
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14, March 2019
- in Art & Entertainment , UK , USA by Ed Mann
Number of people who die laughing increases as hitmen swap guns for jokes
It’s official! You CAN die laughing. It can take anything from 10-25 minutes of non-stop laughing before your heart stops, your lungs collapse and your brain dies. Fortunately, it’s quite rare. In the UK only 183 people died laughing last year. Although the population of America is five times greater than the UK, only 87 […]
Tell me more...!Donald Trump to hold no more face-to-face meetings. “It will all be Twitterised,” he said
US President, Donald Trump, has announced that he will take part in no more face-to-face meetings or negotiations with any world leader or anyone else at home or abroad, and will in future conduct all such conversations via Twitter. “This will ensure,” he said. “That there are no fake news reports about our meetings or […]
Tell me more...!Asda (part of the Walmart group) to stop selling single kitchen knives. Ford to stop selling single cars
Asda has announced it will stop selling single kitchen knives – but they will still be available in multipacks. “We feel this will hit hardest, the impoverished would-be knife buyer who is also too stupid and incapable of stealing a single kitchen knife. Two or more could get together to buy a multipack but we […]
Tell me more...!Facebook crackdown on false Reactions. New rules to force users to prove their Reactions genuine
In a crackdown against fake news, fake buns and false everything else, Facebook is introducing compulsory ‘Reaction proof’. Before a user can select Like, Heart or one of the other Reaction emoticons, they will have to prove their intent is genuine. A Facebook spokesperson explained: “Facebook has been accused of promoting false messages and fake […]
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