Category Archives for "USA"
Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests
A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep
How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!
Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!
Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”
You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show
Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride
James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035
Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists
Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business
Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”
Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.
“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”
Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal
In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties
Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050
Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”
Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped
Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”
Boris Johnson inadvertently leaks US nuclear sub codes
Front runner in the Tory leadership race Boris Johnson inadvertently revealed to 1.2 million listeners the launch codes for US nuclear submarines. The blooper came when Mr Johnson was being interviewed by Moscow Today, a radio broadcast for ex-pat Russians living in the UK. He was hoping the interview would persuade Russian members of the […]
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8, July 2019
- in Politics , Science & Technology , USA by Ed Mann
Mexican migration tilting Earth off its axis says Trump
Feature by guest reporter David Layzelle US President Donald Trump claims the mass-migration of Mexican workers is upsetting the Earth’s rotation. Speaking at a Republican convention at Tyler, Texas, Trump expounded the theory that mass-migration was making the world ‘top heavy and liable to spin off its axis. To whoops of “yee ha” and much […]
Tell me more...!Trump’s Independence Day speech praises Continental Army for destroying alien mother ship
In his Independence Day speech, US President Donald Trump paid tribute to the actions of George Washington’s Continental Army for infiltrating and blowing up the alien mother ship. He commended the courage of US President George Washington who was prepared to sacrifice his own life in order to nuke the ship. “They don’t make Presidents […]
Tell me more...!Scientists finally discover just exactly what kind of woman is US President Donald Trump’s ‘type’
FEMALE Ref: BBC News Trump says sexual assault accuser E Jean Carroll ‘not my type’ How many different excuses for not assaulting a woman can you think of that Trump hasn’t used yet? From a woman’s point of view, what’s Trump’s best feature? Leave a Comment below
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24, June 2019
- in Art & Entertainment , USA by Ed Mann
Dyslexic religious group petitions Santa to stop doing bad things
A religious group wrote a petition to the devil demanding he stop bad things happening on Earth. However, they addressed it to: Santa C/o Hell The 21,276-strong group known as Let’s Get Back To That Old Time Religion, signed the petition demanding the devil stop interfering with “god’s good work”. The petition gives examples of […]
Tell me more...!Trump’s 2020 slogan: “Make America Fascist Again”
Current US President Donald Trump has kicked off his 2020 presidential re-election bid with a new slogan and a new hat. He has swapped his familiar red cap for a new one bearing the words “Make America Fascist Again.” It is being produced and sold under license to fund his burger habit and contribute to […]
Tell me more...!Facebook’s Lyar digital currency available as swap for your first born
Facebook is launching a new digital currency which it expects to take over from national currencies like the US Dollar, the UK Pound, the Euro and the Venezuelan Bolivar. Called the Lyar, it will be pegged to the pot of gold buried in Mark Zuckerberg‘s back garden. The currency will initially be given to those […]
Tell me more...!US deploys chefs to protect beef burger supplies as White House pulls out of burger deal
America has deployed 1,000 chefs to bakeries and butchers throughout Washington DC to ensure continuing supplies of burgers. The White House pulled out of an agreement with local burger suppliers guaranteeing to buy so-many burgers per week. When US President Donald Trump was off on jollies doing state visits and the like, the White House […]
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