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Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Category Archives for "USA"

Top Ten reasons customers would rather speak to a robot than a human

Which customer service agent would you rather talk to?

When ringing a company, many people complain they’re put on hold for ages and then get through to a divvy ‘customer agent’ who hasn’t a clue how to help them. That may be why a recent survey found nine out of ten people would rather speak to a robot ‘customer service agent’ than a human. […]

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Social media backlash forces InterSpace U-turn

InterSpace Ad:

A furious social media campaign forced space agencies to reverse their decision to cancel the InterSpace pass. People with more money than they can sensibly spend without resorting to philanthropy can use the InterSpace pass to travel around the solar system at reduced rates. Pass holders can jump from ship to ship at no extra […]

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31, July 2019

English Professor who wrote Trump’s speeches sacked from University

From Trump speech-writer to social media consultant, this English Professor is certainly moving up in the world

A Professor of English at one of America’s most prestigious universities has been sacked after admitting that he wrote US President Donald Trump‘s speeches. Professor J. A. Cedric Klaussmann of Stanford University which runs one of America’s top graduate English programs, was fired after confessing he wrote Donald Trump‘s speeches. “I had an inner compulsion […]

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Clown School applications soar

As per ancient tradition, one alumni congratulates another successful Clown school graduate

In an unprecedented reversal of typical university applications, students in their thousands have been switching from political degrees to sign up for Clown School. Clown impresario and spokesman for the Family Of Clowns Association, Professor Bongo Baggy Britches, said: “Clowning has been a dying profession but it has got a new lease of life today. […]

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Dog-AI interface brings forward world domination to 2030

Bella (2nd from right) said she is looking forward to some intelligent conversation with her doggy friends while watching the human race descend into inane stupidity

Pioneering technology which links the brain to computers and AI (Artificial Intelligence) systems has been developed and tested on dogs. As the technology advances dogs could be set to take over the world by 2030 rather than 2050 as originally assumed. The first pioneer is Bella, a Border Collie and the sister of Zak who […]

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Football transfers: Top clubs bidding for these star players

You get a lot more footballers for your money here

One manager, who did not want to be named, said: “These top performers are cheaper than current signings and far more entertaining.” Ref: BBC News Are robots getting better at football? ‘Hand of god’ or a massive cheat? Discuss How much would you pay for a season ticket? (Note: this information will go to the […]

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Zuckerberg’s lunch money seized after Facebook data scandal

Mark Zuckerberg pleads with the FTC not to seize his lunch money as it's all that's standing between him and a slap up lunch at the Ritz

The FTC (Federal Trade Commission) has ordered Mark Zuckerberg‘s lunch allowance to be seized following allegations that Facebook has been gathering data on its users. Data the company gathered includes users’ friends and family, where they live, where they went to school, the name of their pet and their favourite swear word. In many cases […]

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