Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Category Archives for "UK"

New sports rules ban rugby players with no teeth

Rugby will now only be played by men with teeth. How long it will be until there are no qualifying Rugby players left remains to be seen

The UK’s Combined United National Team Sports committee oversees rule changes in all sports played in the UK. The committee has received several complaints of unfairness from players in many different sports. This has led the committee to impose several rule changes to create a ‘level playing field’ for all participants. Rugby Players will only […]

Tell me more...!

NHS to fine patients late for appointments to boost flagging coffers

NHS queues stretch around the playing field. No one wants to be late for their appointment. The doctors will be arriving in a few hours

NHS management to levy a £1-per-minute fine on patients. Ostensibly this is to encourage patients to arrive on time but privately, some management staff admitted it was to boost the NHS’s budget. Mrs Dot Brimstone, 56, attends her local hospital on a weekly basis and said: “Blimey! If I’m late it’s because the bus was […]

Tell me more...!

‘Fixers’ send victims take-aways from dirty restaurants as warnings

Strong arm men who threaten people who owe their bosses money have a new method of intimidation. They send them a delivery from a dirty take-away restaurant. In most cases the aim is to intimidate rather than permanently main or kill. Otherwise how would they repay what they owe? Using a third-party company like a […]

Tell me more...!