Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Category Archives for "UK"

21, February 2019

Medical breakthrough of the century! “Eating causes tooth decay,” say Dentists

In a medical breakthrough claimed to be the most important health discovery of the century, dentists have revealed that tooth decay is caused by eating food with your teeth. Dr “Painless” Peter Potter of the Dental Research Institute of Philadelphia said a 17-year study into the causes of tooth decay showed that putting food in […]

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20, February 2019

Theresa May: “I’ve had it with you bunch of ingratiates! You can sort out f**king Brexit yourself!”

Theresa May -

After losing 17 Brexit negotiators and making 83 trips to Brussels herself UK Prime Minister, Theresa May, has called it a day and thrown in the towel over Brexit negotiations. “I’ve taken all I’m going to take from you bunch of dim-witted, jobsworthy, ingratiates!” she told the House. “Whinge, whinge, whinge. Delay, delay, delay. Moan, […]

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15, February 2019

High Court judge falls asleep – “The case was as boring as fart and I’d been up all night washing my wig.”

British justice is blind AND asleep!

Mrs Justice Parker, 68, fell asleep “momentarily” while hearing a case in the Family Division of the High Court. “I’ve heard a lot of boring cases in my time,” she said. “But this takes the biscuit. It was boring as fart. I can’t even remember what it was about, it was so boring. Probably some […]

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12, February 2019

Beer and wine myth exposed! “You’ll still feel like shite the next morning,” say scientists.

The saying “Beer before wine make you feel fine, wine before beer makes you feel queer,” has been shown to be “pure balderdash” say German scientists. In a study involving the country’s entire student population, half were told to drink six pints of lager followed by two bottles of white wine. The other half drank […]

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People flock to Wetherspoon pubs to be insulted. “I never tell my staff to be nice to customers,” said Tim Martin, chairman

Don't upset the staff at Wetherspoons! The barmaids are real knockouts!

People are queuing up to get into Wetherspoon pubs after chairman and Brexiteer Tim Martin released a statement saying he never tells his staff to be nice to customers. Instead of the cheery “What can I get for you?” English pubs are renowned for, Wetherspoon staff are treating customers with the disdain they deserve. As […]

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