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Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Category Archives for "UK"

7, August 2019

Boris Johnson cannot be recycled

Could this be where Boris Johnson ends up after his spell as PM?

In a bid to save the planet, everyone is recycling as much rubbish as they can. However, environmentalists have confirmed that UK PM, Boris Johnson, cannot be recycled. Old Prime Ministers leave the job and go on to earn millions as board members of rich companies and through speaking engagements. Ex-labour PM Tony bLiar Blair, […]

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4, August 2019

I only have eyes for you, but you should see what I’ve got for your sister

OVERHEARD AT WEDDING RECEPTION BRIDE: You had your tongue down her bloody throat. GROOM: Awe, come on Love, I thought she was you, you look so much alike. BRIDE: She IS my sister— GROOM: See— BRIDE: But she’s 10 years younger, dressed in black and she’s not seven-months pregnant. GROOM: I know, but your faces […]

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