Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Category Archives for "Science & Technology"

Oil companies release “Energy from water” patents they’ve sat on for years! “It’s a major boon for the whole world,” they say. “But mainly for us!”

Gives a new meaning to the phrase:

In a joint statement put out by the World’s five biggest oil companies, they have agreed to release “energy from water” patents that they have held for over 50 years. The patents describe how water can be converted to energy and used to “fuel” every kind of engine from cars to planes, and from boats […]

Tell me more...!
21, February 2019

Medical breakthrough of the century! “Eating causes tooth decay,” say Dentists

In a medical breakthrough claimed to be the most important health discovery of the century, dentists have revealed that tooth decay is caused by eating food with your teeth. Dr “Painless” Peter Potter of the Dental Research Institute of Philadelphia said a 17-year study into the causes of tooth decay showed that putting food in […]

Tell me more...!
17, February 2019

Dog with the rudest name in the world is Shih Tzu! – says Guinness Book of Records

We love this little Shitty Ass Fokker

A Shih Tzu dog called Shitty Ass has been named the dog with the rudest name in the world by the Guinness Book of Records. It’s official! The dog’s owners, Buck and Bella-Ellen Fokker from Arkansas said: “We didn’t know nothing about it. Our good neighbour sent the name to the Guinness Book of Records […]

Tell me more...!
12, February 2019

Beer and wine myth exposed! “You’ll still feel like shite the next morning,” say scientists.

The saying “Beer before wine make you feel fine, wine before beer makes you feel queer,” has been shown to be “pure balderdash” say German scientists. In a study involving the country’s entire student population, half were told to drink six pints of lager followed by two bottles of white wine. The other half drank […]

Tell me more...!

“Weird hair an indication of criminality,” says police physiological profiler

A weird hairstyle and sunglasses - this guy is definitely up to no good!

“A bad hairstyle is a sure give-away of a criminal mentality,” says Dr Gwendoline Bendover, a psychological criminal profiler who once helped police with their enquiries.. Physiological profiling is the study of physical characteristics and Dr Bendover’s speciality is seeing how these relate to criminality. “It’s often thought,” said Dr Bendover. “That eyes which are […]

Tell me more...!

Donald Trump commissioned study to prove men with small hands have big penises

Donald Trump shows off his small hands. Fortunately, that's all he showed off

A study commissioned by Donald Trump to prove men with small hands have big penises has been running for over two years without reaching a publishable conclusion. One of the analysts involved in the study, who declined to be named, said: “The fact is, hand size has no relation to penis size and small hands […]

Tell me more...!

“Dinosaurs became extinct because they nuked each other!” claims evolutionary scientist. “And we’re next!”

Dinosaurs used their opposable thumbs to nuke each other!

“It’s the thumbs, you see,” said Dr Richard Gould, lead researcher into Opposable Thumb Evolution. “Not many species have opposable thumbs, mainly humans and primates. But dinosaurs like the Tyrannosaurus Rex had them. 65 million years ago they used their opposable thumbs to develop weapons of mass destruction and wiped each other out. History is […]

Tell me more...!
1 3 4 5