A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Category Archives for "Science & Technology"

Boris to assist, personally, with Giant Panda mating

Giant Pandas are notoriously difficult to breed. Getting a male and female Panda to mate is logistically problematical. While they look cute they are as sexy as Michael Gove‘s underwear on a washing line on a wet Tuesday. Edinburgh Zoo has just reported on their last failed attempt. However, UK PM Boris Johnson has offered […]

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Republicans affirm right to be as dumb as shit

Conservatives would not want to attempt an around the world trip as there is a very real danger they may fall off the edge

Republicans are concerned that proposed legislation will threaten a person’s moral and religious right to believe in dumb shit that is demonstrably untrue. These include such commonly-held beliefs as: The Earth is flat Vaccines are bad for your health Climate change isn’t real The Sun orbits the Earth The moon is made from green cheese […]

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MP gene found: vaccine sought

Don't worry Guys. Try not to screw up any more than you have done already while we look for a cure...

Scientists have discovered the gene that makes people want to be an MP. The study took place at London University as part of the Human Genome Project. Researchers investigating personality characteristics isolated a defective gene which was present in every MP‘s genome, past and present. The gene is closely linked to other characteristics including arrogance, […]

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91.7% of Facebook users want to be tracked

Facebook and three billion other sites are watching you - but who cares?

In wake of Facebook‘s promise to allow users to opt out of tracking from sites outside Facebook, users say they want to be tracked. The WeWaT (we Want Tracking) user group has over one billion members and a survey suggests 91.7% of Facebook users will soon join. WeWat founder, Jemima Millar, 27, said: “We have […]

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Top Ten reasons customers would rather speak to a robot than a human

Which customer service agent would you rather talk to?

When ringing a company, many people complain they’re put on hold for ages and then get through to a divvy ‘customer agent’ who hasn’t a clue how to help them. That may be why a recent survey found nine out of ten people would rather speak to a robot ‘customer service agent’ than a human. […]

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