The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Category Archives for "Science & Technology"

‘Fixers’ send victims take-aways from dirty restaurants as warnings

Strong arm men who threaten people who owe their bosses money have a new method of intimidation. They send them a delivery from a dirty take-away restaurant. In most cases the aim is to intimidate rather than permanently main or kill. Otherwise how would they repay what they owe? Using a third-party company like a […]

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Smart Apps force you to obey your smart phone. Read at your own risk

It'll never happen

A technology company has developed smart phone apps that force users to obey ‘hidden’ commands. Games and apps already make users check for updates and buy in-app ‘skills’ but HypnoTec has taken the principle a stage further. The FeelGood app produces a feeling of euphoria. Scientists say it’s not dissimilar to the effect of marijuana […]

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Mountain Air scam: Bottled ‘Mountain Air’ not bottled in mountains

Does your bottled air come from the mountains or Dagenham? Can you really, really tell?

A company has been accused of making millions of pounds from gullible consumers by selling bottled ‘mountain air’ that is no better than the air they can get for free. An investigation has revealed that the Mountain Air Company has been scamming customers by selling air that was not bottled in the mountains. In a […]

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Available NOW -Young Scientist Plastic Waste Experiment Kit

With the Young Scientist Plastic Waste Experiment Kit, discover how much plastic it takes to kill your fish

Yes, kids, now you can have your very own Plastic Waste Experiment Kit. Do with your plastic exactly what the grownups do. Promises years of fun. Scientifically educational. The kit comes complete with: 24 miniature plastic bottles Packaging from 12 packets of spaghetti and other pasta (not supplied) Packaging from 6 individually-wrapped vegetables (not supplied) […]

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Police facial recognition system full of duplicate images it can’t recognise

Good job she's not black, male, unarmed and living in America or she'd be dead by now

A roll-out of facial recognition systems by police around the UK has lead to a fracas in the force. The system is run by German company Cognitec which is filching millions of pounds from the British taxpayer. Plus ça change. The company gets paid in British pounds for the number images on the system and […]

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Foodie’s dream – Food that makes you want to eat more

If your food's made in a place like this it'll be tasty, cheap, last for ages and make you able to eat more

In a world where excess is praised and the obese regarded as super sexy – eat your heart out Sarah Jessica Parker, although she was never really sexy anyway – researchers and nutritionists have finally produced food that makes you want to eat more. The secret is called ultra-processing. It involves running the food through […]

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WHO: the best cure for dementia is to die young

Take your blue pill, give her flowers, bring lubricant, and if she doesn't slam the door in your face you may not have denentia

After 72 years of extensive research, the World Health Organisation has come up with a list of recommendations to stop you getting dementia. Dementia is a debilitating and eventually fatal illness with no cure. It typically affects the elderly, so as the years go by there will be fewer and fewer Brexit supporters and more […]

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“Pedo” is a “Pedalo” says Musk in Thai cave rescue case

Elon Musk's super-sub was just a few feet too big to navigate the narrow Thai Tham Luang caves

Elon Musk is the multi-billionaire owner of too many big businesses and expensive things to name, mainly because we can’t be arsed to do the research. Anyway, he’s been told by a Los Angeles judge that he must defend his Tweets, since deleted, calling a cave rescuer a “pedo”. Vern Unsworth helped rescue 12 schoolboys […]

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