Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Category Archives for "Science & Technology"

Google chief: I know what you did last summer. All of you

Your camera was where...?

Google devices chief, who is not a robot, confessed he likes surprising strangers with personal information about themselves. Rick Osterloh, who has more gadgets than MenKind, said he loves the surprised look on people’s faces when he reveals intimate personal details that no one but a technology oligarch with access to millions of dollars’ worth […]

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Pet MP Robots: now with interchangeable heads

Watching two ROMPr MP Robots knocking the sh*t out of each other is almost as entertaining as a Commons debate

Billed as ‘perfect for every home’ the Robot MP or ROMPr has just gone on sale in the UK. Developed by robotics company Practical Ingenious Stereoactive Systems, the robots are described as “versatile semi-intelligent and adaptable”. A company spokesperson said: “We know that doesn’t describe your average MP but ROMPrs are better than average. “ROMPrs […]

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Gina Miller to challenge Boaty McBoatface naming

People’s champion, barristers’ pocket-filler and remainer, Gina Miller, has launched a high court challenge to rename the UK’s newly-launched polar research ship ‘Boaty McBoatface’. The ship has been named the ‘Sir David Attenborough’ but an online poll to find a name for the ship showed the public’s favourite was ‘Boaty McBoatface’. However, ministers intervened because […]

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Boris to assist, personally, with Giant Panda mating

Giant Pandas are notoriously difficult to breed. Getting a male and female Panda to mate is logistically problematical. While they look cute they are as sexy as Michael Gove‘s underwear on a washing line on a wet Tuesday. Edinburgh Zoo has just reported on their last failed attempt. However, UK PM Boris Johnson has offered […]

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Republicans affirm right to be as dumb as shit

Conservatives would not want to attempt an around the world trip as there is a very real danger they may fall off the edge

Republicans are concerned that proposed legislation will threaten a person’s moral and religious right to believe in dumb shit that is demonstrably untrue. These include such commonly-held beliefs as: The Earth is flat Vaccines are bad for your health Climate change isn’t real The Sun orbits the Earth The moon is made from green cheese […]

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