Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Category Archives for "Politics"

Government fines itself £12b over ‘sexual predilections’ data breach

Government departments have been revealing people's sexual predilections to anyone who knows the magic words -

  The UK government has agreed to pay itself a £12b fine after several departments were found to be in breach of various data protection acts. These include the EU’s GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation) even though it’s poorly-thought out and no one understands it. A total of 137 government departments gave away personal information […]

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Tourists’ bums banned from Rome

A funny thing happened to tourists on their way to the Roman Forum...

A new law passed in Rome has banned anyone from sitting on the capital’s famous Spanish Steps. The Scalinata di Trinità dei Monti is one of Rome‘s most famous landmarks where tourists gather to eat pizza, pretend to be Italian, and talk loudly but not about the weather, not even the British. However, new laws […]

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7, August 2019

Boris Johnson cannot be recycled

Could this be where Boris Johnson ends up after his spell as PM?

In a bid to save the planet, everyone is recycling as much rubbish as they can. However, environmentalists have confirmed that UK PM, Boris Johnson, cannot be recycled. Old Prime Ministers leave the job and go on to earn millions as board members of rich companies and through speaking engagements. Ex-labour PM Tony bLiar Blair, […]

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