Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Category Archives for "Politics"

15, October 2019

Queen’s speech: Boris Johnson to be King

Fuzzy lies the head that wears the crown

The Queen‘s speech historically outlines plans and legislation the government intends to perform. This speech shocked everyone as the Queen outlined new succession plans to make Boris Johnson King when the Queen retires which is expected to be sometime next month or before a general election, whichever comes first. Sir Galahad Smythe, an expert in […]

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10, October 2019

UK population falls asleep as ‘B’ word mentioned again in news

The entire UK population assumed the natural state of the London commuter upon hearing the 'B' word again in the news

The entire UK population spontaneously fell into a deep sleep this morning as newsreaders reported on the latest ‘B‘ negotiations. According to Dr. Emanuel Upanistad, a clinical psychologist specialising in impromptu sleep disorders, the UK population has been so overexposed to the ‘B‘ word during the last three years that it triggered a “spontaneous somnambulism”. […]

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Pet MP Robots: now with interchangeable heads

Watching two ROMPr MP Robots knocking the sh*t out of each other is almost as entertaining as a Commons debate

Billed as ‘perfect for every home’ the Robot MP or ROMPr has just gone on sale in the UK. Developed by robotics company Practical Ingenious Stereoactive Systems, the robots are described as “versatile semi-intelligent and adaptable”. A company spokesperson said: “We know that doesn’t describe your average MP but ROMPrs are better than average. “ROMPrs […]

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