“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Category Archives for "Politics"

BBC cancels News programs after man interviewed in road accident dies

BBC cancels its News programs after death of interviewee. Where the heck will we go now for our unbiased news?

The BBC has cancelled all its news programs after revising its broadcasting guidelines. We spoke to a BBC spokeswoman because she was far cheaper than a spokesman. She told us that the decision revolved around a story in which a man in a road traffic accident was interviewed and confessed to drinking and driving. He […]

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Dogs unhappy about humans dying out and leaving the planet in such a f*cking mess

Zak watches as we cut down another forest forcing a hundred thousand animal and plant species into extinction, and wonders where he's going to bury his bones now

As dog IQ increases and human IQ decreases, dogs are still set to take over the world by 2050. However, by that time humans will have so fucked-up the planet that there won’t be much left for the dogs to take over. Zak is a 4-year old Border Collie, currently reckoned to be the smartest […]

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Climate change, bio extinction. – it’s too late. We’re f*cked. Don’t have any more babies warns UN

Look upon your works - and party like there's no tomorrow. Because there's not

The inevitable catastrophe of climate change has been compounded by a UN report revealing that humans are killing over one million animal and plant species. That’s over a quarter of life on the planet, excluding humans, of course, and the inhabitants of America. The world population has doubled since 1970, due to low-quality condoms, child […]

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Government solves Welsh mountain queue problems by making them hills

Mount Snowdon is now Hill Snowdon. The Welsh will no longer be plagued by hoards of tourists who will now be shuffled off to Scotland

The influx of tourist to Wales’ mountains has revealed severe problems for visitors. There is a shortage of parking, toilets, refreshment facilities, and too many locals are speaking in a Welsh accent. The popularity of beauty spots such as Snowdon and Pen y Fan is because they are beauty spots. And mountains. At 1085m Snowdon […]

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Game of Thrones responsible for drop in life expectancy

Is Game of Thrones shortening your life?

According to the Actuarial Social Society, the life expectancy of UK citizens has dropped dramatically over the past two years. A spokesperson said: “It’s a combination of poor nutrition, money worries and waiting for the next episode of Game of Thrones. “Plus, people are no longer eating an apple a day as their parent and […]

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