James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Category Archives for "Business"

Shock! Horror! Newton’s Law applies to Facebook.You could be killing a kitten

Think before you hit that Sad emoji button! You could be giving a banker andother bonus!

Newton’s Law that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction has been discovered to apply to Facebook Reactions such as Like, Heart and the smiley emoticons. Every time you respond to a post with an Angry emoticon, somewhere else someone posts a photo of a puppy in a bow tie sitting in […]

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In a move to prevent gay relationships at Brunei-owned hotels, staff have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairs

Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah (left) of Brunei admired Putin's strong, manly physique and immediately regretted passing the Sharia law banning gay relationships

In a move to prevent gay relationships at Brunei-owned hotels, staff have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairsFollowing Brunei’s new laws to flog and stone gay people, staff at the nine luxury hotels owned by the Sultan of Brunei have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairs at all times. The hotel chain includes […]

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Tech shock of the century. Facebook grants anonymity to all

Artist's impression of the man who attacked Herbet Rawlings in his home as Facebook's

Bowing to unprecedented pressure from users, the media and the government, Facebook has agreed to grant total anonymity and privacy to all users. Just as the change came into force, there were dozens of reports of users being visited by Facebook personnel. One user, Herbert Rawlings, 47, from Blackburn, Lancashire reported that a Facebook representative […]

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22, March 2019

UK government green-lights tax avoidance schemes. A spokesperson said: “It’s much easier to get tax out of the poor.”

If you have loadsa money you can hire this guy to help you keep it!

Tax avoidance schemes such as the infamous K2 scheme – which was perfectly legal at the time – got a lot of people into trouble. The scheme used perfectly legal (at the time) methods to avoid tax (which isn’t illegal), but the media ran a witch hunt to name and shame celebrities and other rich […]

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11, March 2019

Asda (part of the Walmart group) to stop selling single kitchen knives. Ford to stop selling single cars

You can't buy just one knife in Asda but you can buy a pack of these!

Asda has announced it will stop selling single kitchen knives – but they will still be available in multipacks. “We feel this will hit hardest, the impoverished would-be knife buyer who is also too stupid and incapable of stealing a single kitchen knife. Two or more could get together to buy a multipack but we […]

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Nag! Nag! Nag! “It’s just like being at home,” says Japanese businessman

You don't need a geisha with a Nag-o-Matic

Enterprising Japanese tech company, Nagumatikku, was demonstrating its latest innovation at the AI Expo in Japan. The pocket-size device whose name, Jitaku de chīsana on’na, roughly translates as “Little woman at home” has been developed for travelling businessmen who feel lonely staying in hotels and who do not want the services of a geisha. The […]

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