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23, August 2019

Brexit: EU visitors to be fitted with explosive dog trackers

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With the government's new tracking system, the UK will no longer have to hunt down errant EU visitors the old-fashioned way

With the government’s new tracking system, the UK will no longer have to hunt down errant EU visitors the old-fashioned way

In the event of a no-deal Brexit, all visitors from the EU will be tagged with a device similar to a dog tracker implanted under the skin.

A government spokesperson said: “It was that or visas and you know how easy visas are to forge. Besides, it’s so difficult locating absconders.

“The trackers cost less than a visa so that should make visitors happy, and it cuts down on paperwork.

“When they arrive in the UK – click and the job’s done. They don’t have to worry about losing their visa. We expect the new system to be very popular.

“We are setting up tracking stations throughout the country and will be able to find anyone anywhere at any time.

“It ensures only qualified people stay and work, and visitors go back when they are due to.”

Civil rights groups expressed concern about individual privacy.

The spokesperson said: “When we’re no longer in the EU we no longer have to follow their namby-pamby rules. We can apply good old British democratic standards and common sense.”

When asked if visitors could not simply remove the implants, the spokesperson said: “Not unless they want to detonate a small explosive charge in the device.

“Don’t worry. We’ve tested them thoroughly and they are 99% safe…”

Ref: BBC News Brexit: Freedom of movement ‘will end’ says the government

Which country has ripped you off the most with a visa?
Should we all be tagged with an implant at birth?
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