MPs use formal and arcane language. They call fellow party members “my honourable friend”, and opposition members “the honourable member for such-and-such” when they can’t stand the sight of them.
They’re just not being honest. Which is nothing new.
Current PM Boris Johnson wants to bring parliamentary language into the 21st century and has been using more modern and colourful language to encourage other MPs to follow suit.
He referred to former Tory PM David Cameron as a “girly swot”. They went to the same school and university so Mr Johnson should know.
He also called opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn a “big girl’s blouse” for chickening out of supporting a general election.
The phrase is not particularly modern, originating in the early 19th century, although that is positively bang up to date by parliamentary standards.
It appeared as a popular insult in the 1960s when used by comedienne Hilda Baker in a British sitcom called Nearest and Dearest.
But Mr Johnson is going to have to work much harder if he hopes to bring parliamentary language up to date.
Here are a few phrases that could be used in parliament instead of the ancient and outdated terms.
|Current phrase||Meaning||New phrase|
|My honourable friend||An MP in the same party||My mate, I’d die for this man/woman|
|The honourable member for xxx||A member of the opposition||The (optional: fucking) wanker, tosspot|
|Order, order||Attempt to bring unruly MPs to order||Shut the fuck up you miserable fuckers|
|The other place||The House of Lords||The lazy entitled bastards|
|Strangers||Members of the public||I see my Mother’s come to see if I have a proper job|
|Using a terminological inexactitude||Accuse a member of lying||Lying bastard, git|
|Tired and emotional, overwrought, not quite him/herself||Drunk||Pissed as a fart|
Substituting more modern and accurate terminology will leave MPs in no doubt what is being said and will produce far more interesting televised debates.
Is parliament full of privileged wankers?
What phrase would you use to describe your ex?
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