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If Boris' attempts to get a Panda 'in the mood' go horribly wrong, we could end up with a Banda

If Boris’ attempts to get a Panda ‘in the mood’ go horribly wrong, we could end up with a Banda

Giant Pandas are notoriously difficult to breed. Getting a male and female Panda to mate is logistically problematical. While they look cute they are as sexy as Michael Gove‘s underwear on a washing line on a wet Tuesday.

Edinburgh Zoo has just reported on their last failed attempt.

However, UK PM Boris Johnson has offered to help “get them in the mood” by taking the role of the male Panda during the ‘courtship’ period.

“How difficult can it be?” he quipped. “A bit of rough and tumble, a little ear-rubbing and a smack or two on the backside – always works for me. It can’t be that much different for Pandas.”

A spokesperson for the zoo said: “He has the hair. We might have to fit him out with ears and he’ll almost certainly need a body suit. He’s large but they’re not fools, these Pandas.”

When Mr Johnson was asked if he was not worried in case the Panda became too amorous he replies: “Nonsense. I’ve tackled pigs and lots of other wild animals, I’m sure I can handle a Panda.”

When the Zoo was asked what emergency protocols it had in place should things ‘go too far’ the spokesperson said: “To be honest, we’re so desperate for some kind of mating, we’ll take whatever we can get.

“We’d probably call it a Banda.”

Ref: BBC News Edinburgh Zoo reveals giant panda Tian Tian is not pregnant


What’s the most difficult mating you’ve ever attempted?
Who or what would you most like to see Boris Johnson mate with?
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