How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

6, September 2019

Boris Johnson writes last will and testament

You are awesome for sharing

The road crew are working overtime to make sure Boris' ditch and last resting place is deep enough

The road crew are working overtime to make sure Boris’ ditch and last resting place is deep enough

UK PM, Boris Johnson, is preparing to lie down in a ditch and shuffle off this mortal coil as his opponents prepare to give the upper hand to the EU in Brexit negotiations,

As opposition and rebel MPs prepare to remove his only negotiating tool, a no-deal Brexit, and stay under EU governance via the backstop, Mr Johnson is preparing his last resting place.

This appears to be a ditch created by road works near the Houses of Parliament.

“I can think of no better place,” said Mr Johnson. “Near the heart of my beloved country. Far enough away to avoid the clamouring of clowns but near enough to hear the gnashing of teeth when they realise I was right.”

Mr Johnson has summoned his solicitors and drawn up his last will and testament.

He shares his worldly goods equally among his current partner, whoever that happens to be at the time of his demise, and his children (DNA tests required in the case of any dispute).

He leaves his brother Jo, who resigned as a Tory MP, a sod of earth from the garden of No. 10.

He leaves Michael Gove the dagger he removed from his back after Gove  stabbed him in 2016.

He leaves the BBC the recordings of his appearances on Have I Got News For You along with a note saying “I told you so”.

He leaves Donald Trump a lock of his hair that Trump’s toupee maker can make him a better one.

Finally, he leaves the dying embers of democracy and the mess that is the UK to those to whom it belongs.

BJ RIP

Ref: BBC News PM: I’d rather be dead in ditch than delay Brexit


Who would you like to see in a ditch?
Who did Boris leave out of his will?
Leave a Comment below

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: