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6, September 2019

Boris Johnson writes last will and testament

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The road crew are working overtime to make sure Boris' ditch and last resting place is deep enough

The road crew are working overtime to make sure Boris’ ditch and last resting place is deep enough

UK PM, Boris Johnson, is preparing to lie down in a ditch and shuffle off this mortal coil as his opponents prepare to give the upper hand to the EU in Brexit negotiations,

As opposition and rebel MPs prepare to remove his only negotiating tool, a no-deal Brexit, and stay under EU governance via the backstop, Mr Johnson is preparing his last resting place.

This appears to be a ditch created by road works near the Houses of Parliament.

“I can think of no better place,” said Mr Johnson. “Near the heart of my beloved country. Far enough away to avoid the clamouring of clowns but near enough to hear the gnashing of teeth when they realise I was right.”

Mr Johnson has summoned his solicitors and drawn up his last will and testament.

He shares his worldly goods equally among his current partner, whoever that happens to be at the time of his demise, and his children (DNA tests required in the case of any dispute).

He leaves his brother Jo, who resigned as a Tory MP, a sod of earth from the garden of No. 10.

He leaves Michael Gove the dagger he removed from his back after Gove  stabbed him in 2016.

He leaves the BBC the recordings of his appearances on Have I Got News For You along with a note saying “I told you so”.

He leaves Donald Trump a lock of his hair that Trump’s toupee maker can make him a better one.

Finally, he leaves the dying embers of democracy and the mess that is the UK to those to whom it belongs.


Ref: BBC News PM: I’d rather be dead in ditch than delay Brexit

Who would you like to see in a ditch?
Who did Boris leave out of his will?
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