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2, April 2019

Boris Johnson wants to build the Queen a new yacht – and railway and road network for her mobility scooter

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The Royal Yacht Britannia is beyond salvage. "Let's build Her Majesty the Queen a new Yach, a railway and a road network." says Boris Johnson

The Royal Yacht Britannia is beyond salvage. “Let’s build Her Majesty the Queen a new Yach, a railway and a road network.” says Boris Johnson

The Royal Yacht Britannia was decommissioned in 1997. Now Tory MP and minister for Leftovers, Jake Berry, has called for it to be brought back to help with Brexit negotiations.

Like the Queen, the Yacht has remained neutral.

But a Rear Admiral, who is a really, really high-up person in the navy said it was impossible.

However, Berry’s chum, Boris Johnson, current Foreign Secretary and minister of Buffoonery has proposed that the nation pay for a new Royal Yacht.

“It would only cost around £100m or so,” he said. “Which, after all, is not that much really, just a couple of pounds each. Here, I’ll put in a fiver,” he said putting his hand in his pocket. “Oh, drat, sorry. I’ve left my wallet on the bar.”

With a knighthood firmly in mind, Johnson, who once worked as a presenter on Have I Got News For You when no one would give him a proper job, also proposed we build a high-speed rail network to take the Royal Train from the Palace up to the Queen’s estate in Balmoral.

“WE really shouldn’t expect the Queen to use the same rail lines as everyone else,” he said. “It probably wouldn’t cost much more than the HS2 network, maybe £100bn or so. Not much really, just a few hundred thousand each.

“Here I’ll put mine in,” he said, putting his hand in his jacket pocket. “Oh, drat, I’ve left my cheque book in the club.

“We should also think very seriously about building a Royal Road Network for her mobility scooter – when she gets one, of course. We can’t expect the Queen to ride around on the same roads as everyone else. I’ve no idea what it would cost but think of the jobs it would create.”

At which point a junior minister approached and said Mr Johnson was required most urgently at the FO.

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