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29, July 2019

Boris Johnson orders 20,000 PM bodyguards

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UK PM salutes the Boris Brigade, his new incoming squad of Prime Minister bodyguards

UK PM salutes the Boris Brigade, his new incoming squad of Prime Minister bodyguards

One of the first acts of Boris Johnson, the UK’s new Prime Minister, has been to order the creation of a new PM bodyguard unit.

The unit will consist of over 20,000 men and women, hand-picked from the armed forces, the police service and up-market hairdressers.

Their role will be to shield the PM from critics, detractors and naysayers, by making sure no one gets close enough to actually talk to him, tousle his hair or otherwise form it into any recognisable style.

The unit, which has been dubbed the Boris Brigade, will work round-the-clock and accompany the PM on all official duties.

This is already a headache for Brandon Lewis, Minister of Security, as he contemplates the logistics of getting 20,000 people into No. 10 and the Houses of Parliament.

We tried to ask Mr Johnson for a comment but couldn’t get closer than 50 yards.

One of our reporters, posing as a hairdresser, got within 20 yards but the Boris Brigade spotted his microphone and arrested him on suspicion of carrying a dangerous weapon.

We did manage to get a message to the No. 10 press office asking how much the Boris Brigade would cost.

They replied: “Around £500m but that’s only two weeks of the money we’ll save by not paying into the EU.”

Ref: BBC News Recruitment of 20,000 new police officers to begin ‘within weeks’


Did the TV series, The Bodyguard, make you want to be a bodyguard, a politician or throw up?
Would you rather be Boris’ hairdresser or address one of Boris’ heirs? (Yes, sorry about that.)
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