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1, August 2019

Boris Johnson appoints Animal Farm advisors

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Boris is out recruiting his new team of advisors

Boris is out recruiting his new team of advisors

Every PM needs a bunch of advisers. The UK’s new PM, Boris Johnson, has assembled a gaggle of farmyard animals to help him make important policy decisions about running the UK.

Mr Johnson said: “The wisdom of animals is severely underrated and I am determined not to make the same mistakes as my predecessors who relied on humans.”

A special area inside No. 10 has been created to house the government’s latest recruits.

One No. 10 insider said: “The noise is horrific, especially at feeding time but at least it drowns out the sound of ‘him’ shouting.

“And don’t get me started on the smell. Even Rees-Mogg‘s cologne can’t cover it up.”

Mr Johnson said: “They all have their areas of expertise.

“The pigs are a source of particularly wise advice. Just the other day they trotted away then came back and said ‘Stick to your guns, Boris, and you’ll bring home the bacon’.”

“The horses are well-connected and give me the heads up on what’s happening in France and Europe. They tell me to put the bit between my teeth and run with it.

“The donkeys are stubborn like the EU and suggest I ignore their braying and use a carrot and stick approach to make them shift their position.

“The cows help with farmers by steering a course through our steamy agricultural policy.

“The bats are developing new sonar systems for the air force to help them fly under the radar.

“Dogs lead on many things and will be taking over the world soon so we all need to keep on their good side. But that’s another tale.

“Oddly, I haven’t seen the No. 10 cat recently. But no miss. I’ve no intention of pussy-footing around any issue.

“Possibly the least useful, I have to say, are the chickens which run around as if they were headless – which, of course, they’re not. But I keep them around because they remind me so much of Labour.”

He giggled.

Mr Johnson added: “I get more sense out of the animals than I do out of the cabinet. I know I picked the cabinet but sometimes you have to make the best of a bad job,”

Ref: BBC News Boris Johnson’s new spin doctor was Daily Mirror chicken

What animal have you had the most sensible conversation with?
What animal does Boris Johnson most resemble?
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