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30, August 2019

Boris, Jeremy and Jo heads stolen

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Nigel Farage makes a convincing case for his innocence: "I did not take them from a house, I did not take them with a mouse."

Nigel Farage makes a convincing case for his innocence: “I did not take them from a house, I did not take them with a mouse.”

The heads of Boris Johnson, Jeremy Corbyn and Jo Swinson were stolen last night when they weren’t looking.

CCTV footage shows two men putting the heads in Waitrose carrier bags and carrying the heads off. They appeared to be arguing over Caroline Lucas‘ head but eventually left without it,

The three political leaders are managing to function quite well without their heads but have to speak through an interpreter.

They issued a joint statement offering a free pardon and a £1b reward for the return of their heads which immediately interested the DUP.

No one appears to have asked Caroline Lucas for a comment.

The reason for the theft is unknown but one theory suggests the heads have been taken as trophies to mount on spikes at the entrance to the EU parliament building as a deterrent to any other country wanting to leave the EU.

Nigel Farage was originally a suspect but was eliminated from enquiries after he made a statement:

“I did not take them from a house,
I did not take them with a mouse
I did not put them in a box
I did not take them with a fox.”

A police spokesperson said: “He sounded pretty convincing.”

The police are working on a simpler theory and are looking for two middle class men with no particular political affiliation but with a low tolerance for “lies and b*llsh*t”. They have so far only managed to rule out half the UK male population.

Ref: BBC News Guy Fawkes and Oliver Cromwell ‘heads’ stolen from London tourist attraction

Which is most frightening – a politician’s head on a spike or still attached to their body?
What’s your worst robbery attempt that was captured on CCTV?
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