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2, September 2019

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UK Brexit negotiators will now be issued with holy water, a wooden stake and instructions on their proper use

UK Brexit negotiators will now be issued with holy water, a wooden stake and instructions on their proper use

The UK’s Brexit negotiation team has demanded the whole of the previous Brexit agreement be scrapped claiming the EU’s chief Brexit negotiator, Michel Barnier, is a vampire.

The accusation comes after a photograph emerged of Mr Barnier standing next to a mirror but casting no reflection.

UK PM Boris Johnson said: “No wonder Theresa May got such a bad deal. No wonder they’re refusing to renegotiate now – they have the forces of darkness on their side.”

One of the UK’s 27 ex-Brexit negotiators who did not want to be named said: “I always thought it strange that I never saw him in the little boy’s room.

“Which is full of mirrors. Above the wash basins, you know,” he added hastily.

Michael Gove, the UK’s minister in charge of something to do with Brexit said: “Michel Barnier is supposedly French. That’s in Europe and so is Transylvania, home of the vampires.

“It would have been easy for him to slip over to France to hide his true identity.

“Come to think of it, I’ve never seen him out in daylight and never seen him cast a shadow.

“What’s more, at lunch he avoided dishes containing garlic which he wouldn’t have done had he been truly French because the French love garlic.”

Mr Johnson said: “This new revelation proves what drastic and dastardly steps the EU is prepared to take to thwart our efforts.

“I shall immediately demand Mr Barnier be sacked and we start new negotiations with a team of totally human negotiators. I have already issued our negotiation team with holy water and a wooden stake along with proper instructions for their use.”

When asked for a comment an EU spokesperson merely shrugged and floated off down the corridor.

Ref: BBC News Brexit: UK negotiators ‘to step up tempo’ on new deal talks


Which politician would you not like to meet on a dark night?
What deterrent have you found to be most effective against vampires?
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