fbpx

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

2, August 2019

Bank of England ‘Golden Harvest’ forecast

You are awesome for sharing

We're all going to have loads more money according to the Bank of England

We’re all going to have loads more money according to the Bank of England

Mark Carney, current Governor of the Bank of England, at least until January, has given the UK economy a massive boost by predicting a vast rise in absolutely everything over the next two years.

The previous forecast of only a small rise in the UK economy has been upgraded to a massive 12.5% which is like winning the lottery in Bank forecast terms.

The Bank’s outlook for growth in 2020 has also increased from 1% to 14.5%.

Together, that’s the equivalent of another £40 per week in everyone’s pay packet, although Big Bosses will get considerably more because they are Big, well-connected and do more actual work than their workers.

The forecasts are based on an assumption, as all forecasts are, that PM Boris Johnson will steer the UK through murky economic waters and emerge into the clear blue seas of Brexit.

The Bank is keeping interest rates the same but it has warned that as the economy picks up, rates will rise, probably to pre-2009 levels of 5%.

That’s not enough to worry Mr Average with his increased pay packet but it will put a smile on the face of old people and savers.

In the event of a no-deal Brexit, Mr Carney said the advantages of creating our own world—wide trade deals would likely boost the economy even further.

As the official line is that there will be a smooth Brexit exit, the Bank is not able to make fantasy forecasts, even though that is what it has been doing since Carney took over as Governor.

Mr Carney added: “If it all goes pear-shaped, we can simply print more money as we have done in the past. But by that time it won’t be my problem.”

He patted his wallet and went back to packing.

UK PM, Boris Johnson, said: “That is remarkably good news but I fear he may be a little over-optimistic.”

Mark Carney’s economic forecasts to date have been abysmal so Mr Johnson could well be right.

Ref: BBC News Bank of England cuts UK growth forecast


What’s the worst economic decision your bank has made?
Who is worse: a bank owner or a bank robber?
Leave a Comment below

You are awesome for sharing

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: