According to the Actuarial Social Society, the life expectancy of UK citizens has dropped dramatically over the past two years. A spokesperson said: “It’s a combination of poor nutrition, money worries and waiting for the next episode of Game of Thrones. “Plus, people are no longer eating an apple a day as their parent and […]Tell me more...!
Theresa May was in rapturous mood following local election results, and gave a speech outside Number 10. “The result show once and for all that the electorate are behind us in our policies and our handling of Brexit. “Labour has been decimated. The Liberal Democrats, the Greens and the other parties are in disarray. “We […]Tell me more...!
A survey by the institute of Wellbeing And Notional Knowledge revealed UK citizens to be the most miserable in the world. The UK knocked Belgium from the top slot which it has held since records began. France also beat Belgium taking second place although no one gives a flying fuck about that. The survey was […]Tell me more...!
Many leading figures and politicians have declined invitations to attend the state banquet being held for US president, Donald Trump, during his state visit in June. To avoid an embarrassingly small table, the Palace is engaging actors to play the part of politicians. Helen Mirren is already onboard to stand in for The Queen, as […]Tell me more...!
Wikileaks co-founder Julian Assange has been jailed for 110 years at Southwark Crown Court for jaywalking. In a letter, Assange apologised profusely and said he was trying to avoid a rabid pack of murderers who were hunting him and wanted him killed. Judge Deborah Taylor, conservative and with an eye on a peerage, said it […]Tell me more...!
Feature by guest reporter J R Eldridge I recently had the privilege of interviewing one of the most famous figures in history, Yahweh, the God of the Israelites. This interview was unlike any other I have taken part in; rather than sitting in a comfortable office opposite the interviewee, I had to climb to the […]Tell me more...!
Peers in the House of Lords have recommended cutting pension perks such as free TV licenses for the over 75s, bus passes and the winter fuel allowance. Members of the House of Lords get £305 per day for attending plus expenses and subsidies. Many are on £100+K pensions but they are still in the perfect […]Tell me more...!
After years of jokes and satirical remarks about the incompetence, the greed and the deceitfulness of MPs, the government has passed a bill declaring all MPs a ‘protected species’. No one will be allowed to take pot shots at them, literally or figuratively, under pain of incarceration and removal of their typing fingers. Undercover police […]Tell me more...!