Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Ed Mann

Author Archives: Ed Mann

7, February 2019

“I bought everything in the Argos catalogue,” says shopaholic Wendy Wilson. “And I’m £1.3m in debt!”

Wendy's local Argos store manager is a very happy bunny!

Confessed shopaholic, Wendy Wilson, 57 and divorced, has bought every item in the Argos catalogue. “I just can’t help it,” she said. “Everything looks so new and shiny and desirable, I know I simply must have it.” To date she has bought over 20,000 items. As new items are added and old ones removed, her […]

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“Weird hair an indication of criminality,” says police physiological profiler

A weird hairstyle and sunglasses - this guy is definitely up to no good!

“A bad hairstyle is a sure give-away of a criminal mentality,” says Dr Gwendoline Bendover, a psychological criminal profiler who once helped police with their enquiries.. Physiological profiling is the study of physical characteristics and Dr Bendover’s speciality is seeing how these relate to criminality. “It’s often thought,” said Dr Bendover. “That eyes which are […]

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Donald Trump commissioned study to prove men with small hands have big penises

Donald Trump shows off his small hands

A study commissioned by Donald Trump to prove men with small hands have big penises has been running for over two years without reaching a publishable conclusion. One of the analysts involved in the study, who declined to be named, said: “The fact is, hand size has no relation to penis size and small hands […]

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“Dinosaurs became extinct because they nuked each other!” claims evolutionary scientist. “And we’re next!”

Dinosaurs used their opposable thumbs to nuke each other!

“It’s the thumbs, you see,” said Dr Richard Gould, lead researcher into Opposable Thumb Evolution. “Not many species have opposable thumbs, mainly humans and primates. But dinosaurs like the Tyrannosaurus Rex had them. 65 million years ago they used their opposable thumbs to develop weapons of mass destruction and wiped each other out. History is […]

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2, February 2019

James Bond originally a woman! Startling new manuscript reveals Bond’s true identity and origin

James Bond was originally a bisexual woman!

An original manuscript by James Bond author, Ian Fleming, has been discovered at his publisher’s during an office move. The manuscript, “Never Say Die Again, Again”, tells the story of Russian-born Zhanna brought up in England by her parents, both Russian sleeper agents, under the assumed name of Bond. Jane, the English equivalent of Zhanna, […]

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