Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Ed Mann

Author Archives: Ed Mann

Universities apply ‘secret email test’ to student applicants

In a leaked memo, it’s been revealed that Universities are adding a new secret test to all student applications. The Chancellor of a University he did not want to be named said: “While we happily accept all students regardless of race, sexual orientation or economic background, we cannot compromise on intellectual ability, common sense or […]

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Clown School applications soar

As per ancient tradition, one alumni congratulates another successful Clown school graduate

In an unprecedented reversal of typical university applications, students in their thousands have been switching from political degrees to sign up for Clown School. Clown impresario and spokesman for the Family Of Clowns Association, Professor Bongo Baggy Britches, said: “Clowning has been a dying profession but it has got a new lease of life today. […]

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Dog-AI interface brings forward world domination to 2030

Bella (2nd from right) said she is looking forward to some intelligent conversation with her doggy friends while watching the human race descend into inane stupidity

Pioneering technology which links the brain to computers and AI (Artificial Intelligence) systems has been developed and tested on dogs. As the technology advances dogs could be set to take over the world by 2030 rather than 2050 as originally assumed. The first pioneer is Bella, a Border Collie and the sister of Zak who […]

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New BBC policy to challenge politicians’ veracity

Andrew Neil prepares divisive questions for the next hapless politician to guest on the BBC's new News program:

Feature by guest reporter David Layzelle Following criticism of its stance on party politics, Brexit, and the Trump administration, the BBC has announced a new interview policy. BBC Chairman, Lord Tony Hall, issued an edict stating that every statement made by a politician should be questioned for authenticity. With the BBC Royal Charter, and his […]

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21, July 2019

Man who put off procrastinating didn’t realise he was procrastinating

Buzz was too busy skiing to procrastinate, so he kept putting it off

“Procrastination is something I’ve always wanted to try,” said Barry “Buzz” Abernathy, 37, from Newbury. “Everyone I know is doing it so there must be something in it. In fact, it’s on my bucket list but I just keep putting off doing it.” “One of my friends, Gerry, gets absolutely nothing done and he loves […]

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Football transfers: Top clubs bidding for these star players

You get a lot more footballers for your money here

One manager, who did not want to be named, said: “These top performers are cheaper than current signings and far more entertaining.” Ref: BBC News Are robots getting better at football? ‘Hand of god’ or a massive cheat? Discuss How much would you pay for a season ticket? (Note: this information will go to the […]

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