Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

During her visit to China UK PM, Theresa May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texas. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

Ed Mann

Author Archives: Ed Mann

Shock! Horror! Newton’s Law applies to Facebook.You could be killing a kitten

Think before you hit that Sad emoji button! You could be giving a banker andother bonus!

Newton’s Law that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction has been discovered to apply to Facebook Reactions such as Like, Heart and the smiley emoticons. Every time you respond to a post with an Angry emoticon, somewhere else someone posts a photo of a puppy in a bow tie sitting in […]

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In a move to prevent gay relationships at Brunei-owned hotels, staff have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairs

Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah (left) of Brunei admired Putin's strong, manly physique and immediately regretted passing the Sharia law banning gay relationships

In a move to prevent gay relationships at Brunei-owned hotels, staff have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairsFollowing Brunei’s new laws to flog and stone gay people, staff at the nine luxury hotels owned by the Sultan of Brunei have been instructed to work in opposite-sex pairs at all times. The hotel chain includes […]

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3, April 2019

“Michael Gove channels spirits of Margaret Thatcher and the Slime Monster,” Claims Mystic Myrtle

Margaret Thatcher, the Slime Monster or both? You decide!

Medium Madame Mystic Myrtle, psychic and prophet to the stars, claims to have channelled the spirits of Maggie Thatcher and Ghostbusters’ Slime Monster into Michael Gove. She said: “It was one of the easiest channellings I have ever done. He is a natural.” Madame Myrtle has told the fortune of many stars and leading politicians. […]

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1, April 2019

Yet another MP fail. After voting on four options, MPs still cannot decide what Pizza toppings to order

After weeks of debate, MPs still fail to agree on pizza toppings!

After weeks of negotiation and debate, UK MPs have still failed to reach agreement on their lunchtime pizza take-away. The process has dominated discussions, leaving no time at all for secondary issues such as running the country. The debate has divided the Commons, split parties, created new enemies and proved to the country what a […]

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31, March 2019

Tory MP cries foul after losing a no-confidence vote for not sticking to campaign promises for free hair cuts

Would you buy the promise of a free hair cut from this man?

Tory MP, Dominic Grieve, has complained about losing a no-confidence vote after obstructing policies he promised to push through if he was elected. One disgruntled party member, Mrs Gertrude Withers, 82, said: “In order to gets my support he clearly promised to stop teenagers throwing bird seed into my vegetable patch. It’s been ravaged. There’s […]

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31, March 2019

Dry business books prompt government to introduce new book rating system

New rating system toimprove the quality of books - but not business books!

The need for a book rating system was prompted by complaints that business books were dry, boring and uninteresting. A spokesperson for the Department for Education said: “We want previously dry and boring business books to be as interesting as a Dan Brown thriller. Well, a thriller at any rate.” A team of literary experts […]

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