Facebook data leak accidentally reveals identity of the unknown soldier

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Saturday Night Live Improv star arrested in bizzare recipe squabble. A police spokesman said: “You couldn’t make it up!”

Paedophile ring smashed – Pied Piper arrested

“Walls work!” says Donald Trump. “Mine doesn’t!” said Bobby “Bubba” Brandon of Texan. “It doesn’t even keep out the damn Mexican kids next door!”

Nigerian Presidential elections halted in last-minute drama – someone actually replied to the Prince’s Nigerian scan email!

Stan Lee lives! Doctors say: “It’s a Marvel!”

Trump’s “witch hunt” successful! 27 witches arrested. Salem on lockdown

During her visit to China UK PM, Thereas May, said she wanted to “intensify the golden era of UK/China relations”. Bejing said if that’s what she wanted, they were quite ready for another Boxer Rebellion

Gollum diagnosed with shiny object syndrome

Corruption allegations made against Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. “It’s anti-semitic!” he claims. #Anti-semitismFail

James Corden whinges and complains’chubby’ actors are shut out of romantic roles. #MeTooFat

Killer car seats have been sold online for £8. Tennessee is considering them as alterantive to the electric chair

To mark April Fools’ Day, in Hungary hundreds of people took part in a “silly walks” parade. In the UK, millions of people watched fools cocking up another Brexit vote!

Thousands of criminals to be tracked by GPS. “And if that works,” said a UK government spokesperson. “We’ll be rolling it out as compulsory for everyone else.”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos agrees $35bn divorce settlement. His affair with Fox TV host Lauren Sánchez officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the most expensive f*@k in history!

The world’s first AI politician can sidestep questions on any issue from policing to climate change, and poverty to taxation. However, the developers have so far been unable to incorporate the essential lying, expense-fiddling and back-stabbing routines

Ed Mann

Author Archives: Ed Mann

22, March 2019

UK government green-lights tax avoidance schemes. A spokesperson said: “It’s much easier to get tax out of the poor.”

If you have loadsa money you can hire this guy to help you keep it!

Tax avoidance schemes such as the infamous K2 scheme – which was perfectly legal at the time – got a lot of people into trouble. The scheme used perfectly legal (at the time) methods to avoid tax (which isn’t illegal), but the media ran a witch hunt to name and shame celebrities and other rich […]

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21, March 2019

Customs Officers strike for better deal after Brexit. “We’re taking a lead from the stroppy French.”

French, eh? Smuggling handbags again, are we? Take a seat over there for the next three days, madam.

UK Customs Officers are preparing to strike as soon as the UK leaves the EU, deal or no deal. A spokesperson said: “Whatever happens, we’re going to have to work longer and harder and we need more people and better equipment to do it. “We’re taking a leaf out of the stroppy Frenchy’s book – […]

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19, March 2019

Yellow Vests riot again in France. “We demand better fashion than yellow jackets,” say protesters

Road workers? Gilets Jaunes? Or just c;learing up after a Yellow Jacket Riot? You decide!

The Yellow Jackets or “Gilets Jaunes” have again been rioting in Paris and throughout France. We spoke to one of the protest leaders. “We don’t want much,” he said (in French). “These damn yellow jackets make us look like refuse collectors or road workers. Not that there’s anything wrong with refuse collectors or road workers, […]

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18, March 2019

EDL founder, Tommy Robinson, on a publicity tour to make sure he’s well-known during future police harassment

Move along quietly now Mr, Rob- er, whoevever you are!

EDL (English Defence League) founder, Tommy Robinson, has lost his case for harassment against the police for being moved on from a pub in Cambridge in 2016 following a football match. Mr Robinson claimed he had been targeted for his beliefs and dodgy hairstyle. The judge, Ms Karen Walden-Smith said he was not as well-known […]

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A result for Mr Average. Good-looking men make the worst lovers. “And they’re bad at everything else” say scientists

Good-looking man. Must be good in bed. Don't you beleive it, ladies!

There has long been discussion over which nation has the best lovers. According to a recent poll, men from Spain, Brazil and Italy were the best lovers whereas men from Germany, England and Sweden were the worst. However, rather than lump all men from the same country into a single group, scientists at the Academy […]

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16, March 2019

DUP demands more concessions for supporting Tory votes including banning gay rights, repealing abortion laws and an official climate change denial policy. A No. 10 spokesman said: “It’s cheaper than another £1bn.”

The DUP is a weird little Northern Ireland party that no one had heard of until UK PM, Theresa May, paid them £1bn in real money to buy their votes. DUP policies are slightly to the right of Atilla the Hun. Now they want more concessions to prop up the Tory’s failing Brexit deal. The £1bn […]

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