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“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Ed Mann

Author Archives: Ed Mann

12, November 2019

UK Treasury to ask for payday loan to cover election promises

The UK Treasury is applying for payday loans to pay for excessive spending promises by Conservatives and Labour

With both the Conservatives and Labour promising to spend trillions of pounds if they win the election, the Treasury is making plans to apply for payday loans to cover the cost. A Treasury spokesperson said: “Whichever party wins the election, they’ll bankrupt the economy with all their spending pledges. Even stopping Universal Credit and taxing […]

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11, November 2019

Juncker to build EU wall around Europe

EU to build a 'Berlin' wall around Europe to prevent rising house prices

“The benefits and advantages of the Berlin wall have been severely underestimated,” claimed EU president Jean-Claude Juncker. “You never saw a rampant rise in house prices in East Berlin, did you? “Our glorious EU wall will keep out the unwanted Brits and prevent the gentry and the retired from gazumping the prices of our European […]

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