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11, March 2019

Asda (part of the Walmart group) to stop selling single kitchen knives. Ford to stop selling single cars

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You can't buy just one knife in Asda but you can buy a pack of these

You can’t buy just one knife in Asda but you can buy a pack of these

Asda has announced it will stop selling single kitchen knives – but they will still be available in multipacks.

“We feel this will hit hardest, the impoverished would-be knife buyer who is also too stupid and incapable of stealing a single kitchen knife. Two or more could get together to buy a multipack but we will be watching for groups of two or more people buying multipacks of knives.”

A Home Office spokesperson said: “We welcome retailers playing their part in making our streets safer.”

In other news, car manufacturer, Ford, announced it would no longer be selling single cars as they were, by far, responsible for killing more people than multiple cars and over ten times more people than knives. The company said they would also be on the lookout for groups of people trying to buy more than one car.

A Home Office spokesperson said: “We welcome manufacturers playing their part in making our streets safer.”

The National Rifle Association of America said: “We welcome any move to encourage people to buy two or more guns. This is a great initiative shown by Asda and we hope gun retailers follow suit.”

A US government spokesperson said: “Don’t you just love the spirit of free enterprise!”

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