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James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

25, August 2019

Aliens found on Jupiter’s moon

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Three artists' impressions of the alien life we will encounter on Europa

Three artists’ impressions of the alien life we will encounter on Europa

By our science correspondent, Professor Bunty Hancock, but dumbed down so the rest of us can understand it (particularly Ed).

Scientists have been sending really big telescopes up into space because they can see further up there than the ones down here. They have captured photos of life on Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons.

Isn’t this exciting?

Jupiter is one of the planets in our Solar System and it’s a long way away.

In fact, it’s so far away, if you started walking towards it, you’d be dead before you got there. Not just because there’s no roads or air in space but because it would take you forever. Well, a very long time and it would feel like forever. If you weren’t dead.

Jupiter is big. Very big. In fact, it’s so big you could fit 1,300 Earths inside it which is a lot of Earths.

Jupiter is made of gas so will not support life as we know it, Jim (Star Trek joke). But one of its moons, Europa, has a lot of water which may support life.

We’re not the only planet with a moon. In fact. Jupiter is greedy and has at least 67 moons at the last count although its four biggest are the most well-known and Europa is one.

The super cameras up in space have taken photos of Europa and its water and some show aliens moving around beneath the water.

Isn’t this exciting?

It means that we are not alone in the Universe, even if the creatures are very different to us.

We will be able to learn from each other and see how they deal with the sort of problems we have on Earth such as wars and famine, freedom and equality.

Some of these concepts may be totally alien to them. Ha! Ha!

Isn’t this exciting?

Of course it will take 15 or 20 years before we can get a rocket there to find out for sure. They may even come and visit us before that.

Isn’t this exciting?

Ref: BBC News Nasa confirms ocean moon mission

When we meet aliens, will they be friendly or hostile?
Will “Klaatu barada nikto” be a useful phrase when we do meet aliens?
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