Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

24, August 2019

5 Brilliant Things the Tories have done for the UK

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As they celebrate another windfall tax break, the common people recount all the Brilliant Things the Tories have done for the UK

As they celebrate another windfall tax break, the common people recount all the Brilliant Things the Tories have done for the UK

The Tories have been in power now for… oh, ages… so we thought it was time to list their achievements, their accomplishments and all the Brilliant Things they have done for the UK,

Here’s our Top Five:

  1. They…
  2. And they also…
  3. As well as that, they…
  4. Um…
  5. Er…

What Brilliant Thing can you add to the list?
Where would the UK be without the Tories? Continue on a separate ream of paper if necessary
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