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27, August 2019

25 (more) ways Ryanair can screw passengers

You are awesome for sharing

Another successful Ryanair Paris flight landing at its appointed airport ten miles East of Dusseldorf

Another successful Ryanair Paris flight landing at its appointed airport ten miles East of Dusseldorf

Poor Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary is down to his last sack of roubles. He’s trying to fend off more pilot strikes with legal action which is a wonderful conciliatory negotiation tactic.

The airline must be in a bad way to penny-pinch so much.

So to help the ailing airline, here’s our Top 25 tips for Ryanair to extract more money from passengers while still seeming to offer a ‘cheap’ deal.

  1. Just after a customer clicks on the Buy Now button to order a ticket, bump up the price by 10-20%.
  2. Charge pregnant women double.
  3. Make the Ryanair app only available on the Moto G4 Plus.
  4. Wearing more than six items of clothing is excess baggage.
  5. Lower the baggage allowance
  6. Reduce the size of permitted hand luggage.
  7. Increase excess baggage fee.
  8. Change allowances daily.
  9. Call flights four hours early and charge for seats in the departure lounge.
  10. Charge passengers for the transport bus that takes them from the terminal to the plane. Double if they haven’t pre-booked.
  11. When the plane is ¾ full, deny remaining passengers boarding for trumped-up reasons.
  12. Throw out several dozen pieces of luggage before takeoff and blame the baggage handlers.
  13. Remove the carpets from the plane and upholstery from the seats.
  14. Charge to watch the on-board safety instructions.
  15. Dispense with lifejackets.
  16. Pump helium into the cabin to make passengers lighter and reduce fuel costs.
  17. Open the window blinds and charge passengers for watching a documentary about flying.
  18. Give passengers extra salty nuts and crisps. Charge double for the drinks.
  19. Introduce a ‘conversation charge’ for talking to the cabin staff.
  20. Make pilots do double duty as cabin staff. The planes fly themselves.
  21. Teach cabin staff to press the Start button and sack the pilots.
  22. Use in-flight fuelling to save airport fees and rent parachutes to disembarking passengers.
  23. Auction the last parachute.
  24. Charge a ‘safe arrival’ fee at the destination. Cheaper if you pre-booked.
  25. Sack Michael O’Leary, that’d save over £1m.

Warning: Ryanair has already implemented some of these suggestions.

Ref: BBC News Ryanair flights take off despite pilots’ strike

Do you put your sex toys in your suitcase or your hand luggage?
When flying Ryanair, what essential medication do you leave behind?
Bonus question: What money-saving tip do you have for Ryanair?
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