“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests


Monthly Archives: September 2019

Gina Miller to challenge Boaty McBoatface naming

People’s champion, barristers’ pocket-filler and remainer, Gina Miller, has launched a high court challenge to rename the UK’s newly-launched polar research ship ‘Boaty McBoatface’. The ship has been named the ‘Sir David Attenborough’ but an online poll to find a name for the ship showed the public’s favourite was ‘Boaty McBoatface’. However, ministers intervened because […]

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23, September 2019

Mugs predict Lib Dem election victory

The Corbyn mug: full of steamy goodness - but don't dip your biscuit in it

At this year’s Lib Dem conference, the Lib Dems devised a new method of predicting the winner of the next general election: mugs. Traditionally, mugs featuring the faces of Lib Dem MPs are sold as souvenirs, and serve to indicate the most popular members. At this year’s conference the executive introduced mugs of Boris Johnson […]

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