Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Archive

Monthly Archives: August 2019

30, August 2019

Boris, Jeremy and Jo heads stolen

Nigel Farage makes a convincing case for his innocence:

The heads of Boris Johnson, Jeremy Corbyn and Jo Swinson were stolen last night when they weren’t looking. CCTV footage shows two men putting the heads in Waitrose carrier bags and carrying the heads off. They appeared to be arguing over Caroline Lucas‘ head but eventually left without it, The three political leaders are managing […]

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91.7% of Facebook users want to be tracked

Facebook and three billion other sites are watching you - but who cares?

In wake of Facebook‘s promise to allow users to opt out of tracking from sites outside Facebook, users say they want to be tracked. The WeWaT (we Want Tracking) user group has over one billion members and a survey suggests 91.7% of Facebook users will soon join. WeWat founder, Jemima Millar, 27, said: “We have […]

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