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Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Archive

Monthly Archives: June 2019

‘Fixers’ send victims take-aways from dirty restaurants as warnings

Strong arm men who threaten people who owe their bosses money have a new method of intimidation. They send them a delivery from a dirty take-away restaurant. In most cases the aim is to intimidate rather than permanently main or kill. Otherwise how would they repay what they owe? Using a third-party company like a […]

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24, June 2019

Dyslexic religious group petitions Santa to stop doing bad things

A religious group wrote a petition to the devil demanding he stop bad things happening on Earth. However, they addressed it to: Santa C/o Hell The 21,276-strong group known as Let’s Get Back To That Old Time Religion, signed the petition demanding the devil stop interfering with “god’s good work”. The petition gives examples of […]

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Sacked BBC presenter Danny Baker to return with “Baker’s the Gaffer”

This photo takes pride of place on Danny Baker's mantelpiece

BBC 5 Live’s ex-presenter Danny Baker is planning a return to broadcasting with a new show called “Baker’s the Gaffer”. Baker was sacked from the nanny broadcaster after posting a Tweet about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s baby. That’s Harry and Meghan as we love to call them. The BBC, which is happy to […]

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